You know, sometimes life isn't that great.
And its so easy to look back and say how you wish you had done something different.
And I can look back, and see many areas where I could have done better.
But I don't think I'd change a thing.
Was it crazy to get married at 19? You bet. Stupid insane. But I did it. And he hasn't killed me, stuffed me in the trunk and tried to hide my body in a lake, yet. (Note to hubs....I wouldn't use this method now that I've put it out in blogland. Too easy to trace.)
And what did I miss? Dating other guys? Or marrying someone else? (Hmm...maybe someone rich???)
Funny, I don't feel like I've missed anything. Sure, maybe I could have ended up with a wealthier husband or one that stayed in one place instead of dragging me all over the world.
Pffff. Not impressive.
Or, if I could do over - I should have gone to college.
Considering I STILL don't know what I want to be when I grow up.....not sure how that would have turned out. But lets just suppose I got that great degree and went to work and became a high-powered whatever.
So what did I miss? Long hours? Prestige? Power? Glory?
Right. And when you leave a job the company goes under right?
Nope. They hire someone to take your place. Cause you are just a body. (Even if you are a great body!) You can and will be replaced when needed.
Instead I've worked in several different fields. Hate foods. Merchandising required a more outgoing personality. Auto repair shops are frustrating. Burned out in medical office. Loved major malpractice law.
But my dream job? Would be working in a cool little bookstore that sells new and old books and is very cozy. You know, with little reading nooks and maybe a little coffee/tea station in the back. (I do believe this is part of the reason I adore the Karen Marie Moning Fever series books.) Or I could do internet research for law offices, etc. No degree required.
I could have waited until my 30's to start having children...rather than being unable to drink when I turned 21 as I was pregnant with my first. I'm sure I would have been more patient and less strict. But then maybe not on the strict.....military upbringing and being surrounded by children that were not parented. Hmmm. Probably wouldn't have made a difference to wait.
I could have had only 1 child (and I did try to get away with that for awhile), or only two.
Instead we had 2 and then adopted. Boy I wouldn't change any of that. My kids are awesome!
I could have been saved earlier than my 30's. But then all my examples of Christians were such a joke....no I couldn't have. It's a miracle I was ever saved. And, its so much easier to understand forgiveness and Jesus said LOVE....since I am a recipient of those things. (Excluding the years in a certain fundamental church. Still can't go there.)
Maybe I could have done something to be healthier. But allergies and in intolerances are what they are. And the toxic loads I carry are probably the result of all the different places I've lived in the states and overseas. I wouldn't want to change that for anything. Not a single place I've lived. Even the worst places brought some of the best friends.
So, maybe I am a big fat nobody. Just a housewife and mom. An uneducated housewife...the worst kind!
And yet I'm happy just being me. Always have been.
Even with a high-powered, ubber intelligent sister to give me what for. And a dad always pushing me to do more, go to college, be more. Even living in a society where its all about the house you live in and the car you drive. Make-up and fancy clothes.
Even without all of this, I can't think of anything I'd change.
Man I'm a loser.
A fat, dumb and happy one.