Monday, August 16, 2010

If I Had It All To Do Over Again...

Would I?

You know, sometimes life isn't that great.

And its so easy to look back and say how you wish you had done something different.

And I can look back, and see many areas where I could have done better.

But I don't think I'd change a thing.

Was it crazy to get married at 19? You bet. Stupid insane. But I did it. And he hasn't killed me, stuffed me in the trunk and tried to hide my body in a lake, yet. (Note to hubs....I wouldn't use this method now that I've put it out in blogland. Too easy to trace.)

And what did I miss? Dating other guys? Or marrying someone else? (Hmm...maybe someone rich???)

Funny, I don't feel like I've missed anything. Sure, maybe I could have ended up with a wealthier husband or one that stayed in one place instead of dragging me all over the world.

Pffff. Not impressive.

Or, if I could do over - I should have gone to college.

Considering I STILL don't know what I want to be when I grow up.....not sure how that would have turned out. But lets just suppose I got that great degree and went to work and became a high-powered whatever.

So what did I miss? Long hours? Prestige? Power? Glory?

Right. And when you leave a job the company goes under right?

Nope. They hire someone to take your place. Cause you are just a body. (Even if you are a great body!) You can and will be replaced when needed.

Instead I've worked in several different fields. Hate foods. Merchandising required a more outgoing personality. Auto repair shops are frustrating. Burned out in medical office. Loved major malpractice law.

But my dream job? Would be working in a cool little bookstore that sells new and old books and is very cozy. You know, with little reading nooks and maybe a little coffee/tea station in the back. (I do believe this is part of the reason I adore the Karen Marie Moning Fever series books.) Or I could do internet research for law offices, etc. No degree required.

I could have waited until my 30's to start having children...rather than being unable to drink when I turned 21 as I was pregnant with my first. I'm sure I would have been more patient and less strict. But then maybe not on the strict.....military upbringing and being surrounded by children that were not parented. Hmmm. Probably wouldn't have made a difference to wait.

I could have had only 1 child (and I did try to get away with that for awhile), or only two.

Instead we had 2 and then adopted. Boy I wouldn't change any of that. My kids are awesome!

I could have been saved earlier than my 30's. But then all my examples of Christians were such a joke....no I couldn't have. It's a miracle I was ever saved. And, its so much easier to understand forgiveness and Jesus said LOVE....since I am a recipient of those things. (Excluding the years in a certain fundamental church. Still can't go there.)

Maybe I could have done something to be healthier. But allergies and in intolerances are what they are. And the toxic loads I carry are probably the result of all the different places I've lived in the states and overseas. I wouldn't want to change that for anything. Not a single place I've lived. Even the worst places brought some of the best friends.

So, maybe I am a big fat nobody. Just a housewife and mom. An uneducated housewife...the worst kind!

And yet I'm happy just being me. Always have been.

Even with a high-powered, ubber intelligent sister to give me what for. And a dad always pushing me to do more, go to college, be more. Even living in a society where its all about the house you live in and the car you drive. Make-up and fancy clothes.

Even without all of this, I can't think of anything I'd change.

Man I'm a loser.

A fat, dumb and happy one.

6 comments:

  1. What a fantastic post. I feel like you could have been writing about my life as well. Except for the Army/Traveling thing. I was married at 19, dropped out of college, bounced around to different jobs that never fit, first child 5 years after marriage, 2nd child 18 mos. later, and I stay home with my kids. It's nearing the point where I think we will add to our family. Eh, easier to have another child than to have to face re-entering the "real world." So, this chunky boring housewife salutes you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Made me think of this story. http://www.livelearninvest.com/the-businessman-and-the-fisherman-story/

    And it made me think of a converstaion I had with a certain 2nd grade teacher that Songbird was fortunate enough not to have... She was complaining that she never had time to spend with her kids and I told her we all made choices, that there were negatives and positives to both sides.

    Not that long ago when I wrestled with the same question and came to a similar conclusion - I wouldn't change a thing, either. May God continue to pour His blessings on you, dear friend.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I read your post this morning before I ran out the door, and have been thinking about it all day.
    Here's the thing - I went to college, got my degree, knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up, and still got called a fool. I wanted to be a mommy, and was told that was a waste of my time and talents. A waste, to invest every moment I could with my children?!
    I married "too young" (although I was much older the you - a whole 22!), a man who hadn't finished college, had our first child before we even hit our second anniversary, and can truthfully say that I agree with you - I have no regrets. And I look back and LAUGH at those college professors that told me I would outgrow this silly notion to want to stay home with my children.
    People are always going to tell you that they are right and you are wrong. Eventually I learned to just nod, and smile, and wait until I got home to kick the door rather then waste my breath, because some people are never going to be open to the idea that anything other then THEIR idea could possibly be okay.
    And thats okay - because for them, their idea is what works. But man, doesn't it make you appreciate who YOU are?
    I appreciate who you are - that's for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are so right-on Bethy. If people could just grasp how freeing it is too accept that we all think and feel differently life would be so much kinder!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I wouldn't change anything about you either! And I agree 100% with you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I read your post this morning before I ran out the door, and have been thinking about it all day.
    Here's the thing - I went to college, got my degree, knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up, and still got called a fool. I wanted to be a mommy, and was told that was a waste of my time and talents. A waste, to invest every moment I could with my children?!
    I married "too young" (although I was much older the you - a whole 22!), a man who hadn't finished college, had our first child before we even hit our second anniversary, and can truthfully say that I agree with you - I have no regrets. And I look back and LAUGH at those college professors that told me I would outgrow this silly notion to want to stay home with my children.
    People are always going to tell you that they are right and you are wrong. Eventually I learned to just nod, and smile, and wait until I got home to kick the door rather then waste my breath, because some people are never going to be open to the idea that anything other then THEIR idea could possibly be okay.
    And thats okay - because for them, their idea is what works. But man, doesn't it make you appreciate who YOU are?
    I appreciate who you are - that's for sure!

    ReplyDelete