Camping in Texas vs. Country Clothesline Soap

So I let Songbird talk me into letting her go camping with the youth group.

No, this doesn't sound like a big deal. But did I mention she asked the day before they were leaving? So why did I say yes? Well, another child being able to go was contingent on being Songbird's tent mate.

Whose tent? Well mine mom. And we have to bring all our food except Friday dinner.

Oh. So you two are staying together in a tent you bring. Ok. And I have to grocery shop between now and leaving.

So I say yes....with this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had just gotten myself into something.

So, the tent mate can't go.

Am I sending my daughter on a camp trip to somewhere I don't know with no tent mate? I think not. I know she is capable of putting up her tent....but its been 2 years since she's done so...and it was a different tent than I was sending her with. (Note to son...if you leave possessions in my home or shed, they are fair game.)

So, to salvage her trip, I make last minute arrangements for Mighty Mouse to be babysat by a friend with a son her age. Daddy gets to play Mr. Mom with a babysitter. You know, like most of the men you know?

You didn't think I was taking Mighty Mouse did you? Hah! I might be crazy, but I'm not that crazy!!!!! And as an added bonus I found out my good bud, the youth pastors wife was also going....for one night instead of two....and I could ride with her. Sweet.

So I got to ride out with Kylie, check out the situation and determine whether Songbird could stay after I left, and then come home. Perfect.

Ok. So. It was HOT. Ya think? Texas in the middle of summer? Yep.

But it wasn't bad. Now, the first hour I had sweat running down my back. My BACK. That's actually not a normal thing for me. Especially since all I was doing was sitting or standing. Eewww.

After that I sort of got used to it and it was fine.

I used my super-duper Girl Scout skills to start the campfire with Eathan - Without the lighter fluid the wussy men were going to use. And they call themselves campers. Phfffff. Whatever.

I slept in a tent all night with my daughter. That in itself isn't that remarkable...until you find out there is a BIG HOLE in my sons tent. I don't mind tents, but I do mind holes in tents = ants and bugs. And the Junebug that got in about sent the daughter into hysterics. Please. I owe you one Bones....

On that note....you know those camping fans they sell that run on about 8 D batteries? GET ONE!!! Why did it take me so long to discover one of those babys???? I heart camping fans! Or, as they say on Facebook.....Autumn likes this.

Oh, did I mention there were no showers for the campers? Not kidding. Hence the sheer delight in being able to come home a day early.

Confession: Kylie did offer the extra bunk in the AIR CONDITIONED cabin to Songbird and I (there was a real danger of our tent collapsing due to the stakes disentigrating when we tried to hammer them in...I'm thinking 2 summers in the shed in Texas killed them). Also, she offered up the shower to me. But, I had to decline. I really don't want to teach Songbird to take the easy way out. And if I had used the shower, the other campers would have wanted to and it could have started something. Love, love, love you Kylie....but I was actually thinking of you (and Ronnie) when I sadly declined. Oh, and did I mention that Kylie got to take 2 showers? Not that I was counting or anything...


So here we are at Stillwater Refuge in Grapeland Texas. IT WAS AWESOME. For camping. I mean, it wasn't the lakehouse, but for camping it was great. There was a fantastic cabin for the youth pastors wives and kids (and a real bathroom for the rest of us to use). We had at least 10 tents by the lake. And the lake was stocked with bass....which this trip really was their yearly bass fishing tournament. There were boats and canoes.

There was a beach for swimming and a tower to rope swing off of and drop into the lake.

There was an awesome fire circle plus a grill and picnic tables. And all of this was for whoever had it rented....its not like you had to share it with anyone else. There were also hiking trails...but you do have to keep an eye out for the Bison. If your family likes to camp, hunt or fish you should click on the link and check it out. I'd go back in a heartbeat.

This is getting way too long.

So, after moving Songbird into a tent with a couple of other girls, I left early with no worries that she was well taken care of.

And by the time I got home...I smelled pretty bad. Kylie says she didn't smell anything...but she's sweet like that.

So, I thought this would be the ultimate test of my new soap. It is a handmade soap from Great Cakes Soapworks. I have the Country Linen scent. It smells CLEAN. And it knocked out the camping stink and made me very, very happy. Yes indeed.

This soap is a handmade soap with natural ingredients. I have skin issues so I was looking forward to trying it. I love the way it lathers and feels silky. Can't tell you how nice it is to not have to dry shave my legs now that I found this. Highly recommend guys! Click on the link and check out her soaps! She has lotions and lip stuff and all kinds of other things also. Until I learn to make my own, this is where I'm ordering from!

Sorry this post got so long...and ended kind of wierd.

Ya get what ya pay for....

If I Could Teach My Kids One Thing....

Learn to like what doesn’t cost much.
Learn to like reading, conversation, music.
Learn to like plain food, plain service, plain cooking.
Learn to like fields, trees, brooks, hiking, rowing, climbing hills.
Learn to like people, even though some of them may be different . . . different from you.
Learn to like to work and enjoy the satisfaction of doing your job as well as it can be done.
Learn to like the song of birds, the companionship of dogs.
Learn to like gardening, puttering around the house, and fixing things.
Learn to like the sunrise and sunset, the beating of rain on the roof and windows, and the gentle fall of snow on a winter day.
Learn to keep your wants simple and refuse to be controlled by the likes and dislikes of others.
-Lowell Bennion


I ran across the above quote the other day and really LOVED the last line. The whole thing makes for a rather sensible life lesson for our children, but the last line is key.
If there was ONE thing I could teach my kids in life...and have them grab it and own it...it would be the last part of the last sentence...

...refuse to be controlled by the likes and dislikes of others.

Wouldn't it be so freeing to be able to teach our children this? Teach them to be who God created them to be. Teach them to be true to themselves above all else. Teach them to believe in themselves above and beyond their friends and their peer group.

Can you see the possibilities?

We wouldn't have little girls in such a hurry to wear make-up, contacts over glasses, have their eyebrows waxed when they are 10 and shave (and nearly bleed to death when they cut their knees or ankles) before they are even out of elementary school.

They would feel free to combine stripes and dots. They could wear every color of the rainbow. They could wear black without being labeled. They could wear a different color on every nail and not worry about what anyone thinks.

They could determine what their hobbies are without wondering who is going to make fun of them.

They could choose not to carry a cell phone and laugh at the drones that harass them over it.

They could put away their toys when they are ready...not when their friends are.

They could be friends with ANYONE they wanted.

They would be able to work any job as a teen.....not refuse employment over someone else's stuck-up opinions.

They could chose to wear their hair how they like....over what the current style is.

And all these things would be a CHOICE.

For this to work, we'd have to fix the adults in the world. You know, the ones that think they have to have two new cars and carry the debt...like everyone else.

Or the ones that have to have a big house...even when they can't truly afford it.

The ones that chase after the newest phones or other electronic gadgets.

The ones that have to have their kids in a million activities ...because everyone else does....and yet they are overcommitted financially, time wise or physically.

But what I think would be the very best result of this kind of thinking....would be that we wouldn't be afraid to support someone who thinks differently than we do. It frees us to be more supportive of others and their views.

Respecting ourselves leads to respecting others.

If we were able to love ourselves enough to make our own decisions, it would free us up to love others for making their own decisions. We'd be happy for them.

And there would be no more...

Working vs. stay home moms
bottle vs. breast fed
homeschool vs. public vs. private school
shots vs. no shots
home birth vs. hospital birth
organic vs. plain ole grocery store
vegetarian vs. meat eaters
one child vs. 8 children families

And accountability would make a reappearance in our world. We would own our own decisions instead of shrugging off the blame because everyone does it.....

Yes. I think if there was one thing I could teach kids in life, it would be refuse to be controlled by the likes and dislikes of others.

Autumn Asks: Have You Burned Yourself Lately?

I recently had a run-in with a shattered pot of boiling water. Don't ask how. I did something stupid and I don't wish to relive it.

Anyway. After screaming at the top of my lungs, my teenager ran in and immediately grabbed the yellow mustard out of the fridge so I could yank my clothes off and lather up.

I had doused my thigh and stomach pretty good. And as the scream was fading I thought I was in for a trip to the hospital.

So - got the clothes off and put the mustard on.

Now, when it first goes out it STINGS. Really. But only for a bit.

You let it dry on and then wash it off after its dried.

What I thought would be an entire burned thigh, became a half dollar sized red, tender spot. Not blistered even.

We learned the mustard trick from my friend Tricia. Not sure where or how she learned it.

I don't know why this works but it does. I can't explain it, but I believe it. (I will say that I have never used this on something I thought was a SERIOUS burn needing medical attention....just stuff I thought didn't deserve a doctors time. BAD burns need medical attention.)

To date I have used this on several kitchen burns....you know, grabbing the cast iron skillet that is still hot, or hitting the oven rack while pulling something out. Also, Songbird stepped on a live sparkler once and we used it on her foot. I branded myself with a foam cutting knife and was able to save the skin and return it from white and crispy brown to a healthy pink color. Used it on iron or curling iron burns also. Perfect for those camping trips. Anyone with boys knows there will be a burn at some point on a camping trip. LOL!

Several of these burns should have left small scars....but they didn't. They didn't even blister after using the mustard.

So, since people tend to be rather surprised by this home remedy as they never heard of it, I thought I would share with the internets.

One of these days I'm going to try it on a sunburn and see what happens.

Just one word of warning....mustard can stain, so watch your clothing.

Snapshot Saturday

Joining my good friend Tricia in Snapshot Saturday this week. I really do need to pull my favorite camera's back out and start playing again. I have to admit I'm not a digital fan...except that you can immediately download to blogs!

Anyway.

From this last week...we had storms rolling by and the sky was awesome. First it was green and then it was yellow. Way cool.

Once in my lifetime....

Once in my lifetime... no matter how hard I try, I just cannot come up with the words to explain how great something was.

Once in my lifetime.... I looked back and realize I have just had the biggest blessing of my life.

Once in my lifetime......I spent from 6:30 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. by the side of a pool and wonder how come the day flew by so fast.
Once in my lifetime....I spent more than 30 minutes in the sun, with fair skin, and didn't get sunburned.

Once in my lifetime...the friendships are so amazing that I can just relax, and share, and laugh...and not have to worry about acceptance or harsh judgment.

Once in my lifetime....watching my friends enjoy themselves is more satisfying than anything else I might think to do.

Once again in my lifetime....my heart breaks at the thought of the one of a kind friendship circle I will be leaving behind.

Will there ever be a point in my lifetime, where I won't have to say goodbye?

Sneak Peek

Because big brothers are important too......

My Own Personal B Rate Horror Movie

So I'm not much of a gardener. I have very little experience.

I have lofty hopes and try. But not real hard. The whole allergy things pretty much beats it out of me. There's nothing like breaking out in rashes and hives when you brush up against or touch a plant on purpose.

In Nebraska I did grow some tomatoes. If you want to call it that. I literally pulled up some flower beds and put tomato plants from Lowe's in the ground...and walked away. We had automatic sprinklers so I didn't even have to water.

When the tomatoes were red...we picked them and ate them. And they were great.

So I'm a big time gardener this year. Two plus gardens. One in my yard, on my patio and then the big garden I'm helping with.

And all of a sudden my tomatoes are dying. What???? I could tell something was eating them...but it took a few days to figure out what.
See, there's this thing called a Tomato Hornworm.
And they can eat a plant overnight. Just when the tomatoes are beginning to turn. The are hungry!

I know I need to pick these things off. And the first 2 days it wasn't a big deal as they were small. Small enough that you didn't really see the horn part.
But now they are big enough that the horn is THE thing I see.

So I run to the internets to find out WHAT they are and what to do about them. You see, although I am not bug squeamish....anything that looks like a stinger gets immediate respect. It has to do with that epi-pen I have to carry. I will not willing grab anything that looks like it can sting.
Luckily...they sell caterpillar tongs to grab them with. Okay - so I'm too cheap to buy something like this, but at least it gave me an idea. Yep. Kabob sticks. The pointy ones. Why pinch a ugly green caterpillar when you can spear it. (I'll spare you a picture.)

How come I never saw these in Nebraska? Or maybe its that whole "everything is bigger is Texas" thing? Don't know.

What I do know is that for the first time in my life I am wishing for a backyard full of wasps. The kind that do this....
See, you don't even kill these ones. You let those wasp babies hatch and eat all those other nasty looking worms. HAH!! Take that!

Until that happens...I still have to hand pick. They are too big for the natural bacteria I could have used. And the whole point of growing our own (besides money) is to stay organic.

So now I obsessively sneak out back to check for the worms, several times a day.

Not an easy task. They hide underneath the leaves since they don't like the sun. And they are the same color as the plant.

Autumn the worm spearer. Yep. That's me.

Autumn Asks: Are you living a smelly nightmare???

WE ARE!!

Okay, so its not as bad as it could be....but COME ON!

One thing I will not miss about Texas is the skunks.

Yes, everywhere has skunks. I know that. But, for some reason, the has been the skunk season to beat all skunk seasons here in Texas.

As soon as spring started, we got bombarded. You couldn't drive more than 600 yards without passing yet another skunk bomb on the side of the road. It was crazy awful. You hadn't even caught your breath from the last assault before your nose was tortured again.

Some days the girls would just sit in the back seat and cry. Okay, so it was a whiny, fake cry, but still. If I was looking for a way to torture my children, I couldn't have found a better one. All we had to do was step foot in the car. And we are talking with the outside vents closed....not open. With them open we would have just run off the road and crashed.
Even DH is complaining and howling at the insults to our noses this year. WHAT IS IT??? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SKUNKS????? -- Not a new rock song - just a bellow from the old man.

Many times we were afraid we smelled by the time we arrived at our destination. I mean, how could you drive in that for so far and not smell like it??? I guess we never noticed if anyone gave us strange looks.....probably because our eyes were still streaming from the relentless insults...and they drove through the same thing and couldn't smell either. Or smell too.

I never would have guessed I'd end up blogging about skunk stink. But yes, that is how prevalent it has become in my life. An every car ride thing.

I have no idea what makes this a banner year. One thing I do worry about though is rabies. Aren't skunks rabies carriers??? Does this mean we are in for a banner rabies summer also??? Okay friends, keep your dogs close.

So I went online to find some funny pictures on skunks for this post, and got a whole new education. So, being the helpful person I am, I thought I'd better share some new knowledge.

1. DO NOT let your 2nd grader do a report on skunks. Why not? Because when you type in skunk in google images, you get more hits/pictures of skunk weed than the animal. Are you ready to explain killer skunk weed??? If you are in California, you can just tell the little angel it's medicine......but around here that doesn't fly.

2. Skunks are cute. Why they are cute I don't understand, but they are. So it is very hard to have pictures of evil skunks when you talk bad about them....because they really are adorable. Tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor. NOT FUNNY.
3. There are people that like skunks. To the tune of living with 2 dozen of them in their house, or making little clothes for them. If there is not already a disorder name for this....we need one. Any ideas?
4. Some people think skunk looks good. Like fashionable. Okay - so if you look like or are a supermodel...you make EVERYTHING look good. The majority of us are not going to pull this off.
5. There is such thing as a skunk car.....
but thankfully, not a skunk recipe.
6. There are no scary pictures of skunks or B rate horror movies I could find. This is as scary as it gets....

So there you are. You know you feel smarter for it.


Oh - and before I forget -- I have two new friends on my link list. One is a natural homemade soap site (review coming soon) and the other is a young lady that I am proud to call part of my family...Living the Life of a Teenaged Girl. Stop by and say hello to them if you have time!

Thankful Thursday

Joining my friend Tricia in a focus on what I'm thankful for.... Click on her button and join her also!

I am thankful that tomorrow I will head out with six of my girlfriends for a weekend at the lake. A girlfriend overnight x2! Baby M will be joining us (mommy is her only food source currently), but otherwise we will also be kid free. God is good!!!!

Air conditioning.

Showers - yes I say a prayer of thanks almost 100% of the time I take a shower. That brilliance can only come from God.

A healthy family.

Getting in touch with old friends - and finding out they are going through the same cancer issues our family just went through. Being able to just say "I know", and getting a chance to say goodbye to a very large presence from my childhood. Only God could have orchestrated the timing on this one.

Fresh, organic food from our gardens. And the friends and knowledge from my mentors on this endeavor. But really, enough with the zucchini! LOL! (And did you know that Chocolate zucchini cake is really good?)

I am thankful that God is going to make sure my house sells - before we loose all we have and our credit too. I should also be thankful for lessons in patience...but sorry, I'm just not there yet.

Books and the ability to read.

I am thankful for a great youth program at church. I'm so going to miss it....and I'm sure Songbird is too.

What are you thankful for?

Argentina!

We haven't been on a trip lately!! Don't you think its time?

Who has been to Argentina? I know several people that have at one time or another. I would love to go and visit. So we are off to Argentina in South America!

We might want to take more than a week on this one. And we can see anything from
deserts
to glaciers

to mountains
to ruins
to a famous winery
We could spend time in the cities and take in the local culture and arts...
(It closes at night!)

Tango anyone?On Sunday we can visit a church...

and afterwards visit the Sunday Market...
We will keep our eyes open for this one-of-a-kind photo ops....

And my favorite subjects? The women and children....

Another Birthday Week.... With Bird Poo

Last week was my middle child's 14th Birthday.

She will be entering High School in the fall. High School. My daughter.

I'm so not ready for this. I made it through her big brother....but not before yanking his skinny butt out of public school and finishing him up homeschooled.

Shudder. Shudder.

On a positive note...the kids here have to take the dreaded TAKS tests every year. Now every state we have lived in has its testing that is a big deal. But I have NEVER lived anywhere that makes as big of a deal of it as here. Of course we have schools that have failed their percentage required of passes, and actually are on probation, and one is even being closed. Yep. If you don't have good scores, they will close the school.

Anyways. My Songbird actually made perfect scores on her History and English TAKS. We are very proud of her. And she did fine on her math....which is the thorn in the poor girls side. Next year she won't have to worry about any of this and will be back in a sane state that hopefully teaches to more than just a test.

So, where was I?

We did our usual birthday celebration. Songbird chose home-made meatball subs and German Chocolate Cake w/vanilla ice cream. In other words -- I spent the full day in the kitchen, cooking.

It was crazy good. Bones and his girlfriend came over to celebrate with us. Also, Songbird had 3 friends over all day and for an overnight. Quietest sleepover I've ever seen. Teen girls, computers, video games and cell phones. They all did their own thing on an electronic device and didn't hardly interface with each other. Weird. Of course Songbird had to use her friends phones to text as she doesn't have texting (evil laugh inserted here).

The next morning we all got up early so we could head out to Round Rock TX to the outlet malls for shopping. Yes. What my 14 year old wanted was to go shopping with her buds. Shopping isn't that great here so I offered to take them to Round Rock. I also was able to find a babysitter for MM so I could wander around on my own and enjoy being alone. But that was not to be. DH took the day off and wanted to come with me...so that means MM also came.

In the end it was a good thing. I got pooed on y'all! And yes, it was hysterical. Right on the back of my head. I felt it and asked husband "Did I just get hit?????" So he looks and then starts laughing in that "I can't believe this" tone....which turned all of a sudden into sheer terror.

The man had just realized that he was going to have to help clean me up. I got it on the back of my head where I could not see. At all. So then the panic sets in. No kidding.

A man that has been through two labor and deliveries with me is freakin out over bird poo.

THAT was even funnier than getting pooed on people.

So we walk back to the bathrooms and I'm having a real hard time keeping a straight face. Not because I'm afraid everyone is looking at my orange head with a big white poo on it. No. Because my husband is all squirmy and grossed out.

But he cleaned me up...making many faces and not being very gracious about it. And it wasn't even that big guys.

I think he's scarred.

Not the least squimish about shooting off all his guns and wanting to hunt.....but lets not talk about bird poo.

Eeewww. He might get his hands dirty.

Well. It could have been worse. It could have been his truck.


You know, if he reads this, he's going to kill me.

Autumn Asks: Do you love books?

My all-time favorite hobby is reading.

I was a sickly child. Not serious sickness - just lots of allergies and I caught everything I was exposed to. This left me indoors more than the average kid. The only way to escape outdoors without the consequence of more medicine or being miserable was through books.
Libraries have always been one of my favorite places. We've lived in several states and a few different countries...and you can bet I know where the library was. As a matter of fact, I can remember the first time I was considered old enough to walk to the library all by myself. It wasn't very close to home...but it was on a closed military base so there wasn't too much for my parents to worry about. I LOVED that library....and the freedom I had to go check out more books.

Several of the places we have lived over the years have not had good libraries. That is just such a crime! If you can't read, you aren't going to go far. Without a good library to encourage kids to dive in and read, some kids will never do it.
Our current library leaves alot to be desired. There are several branches, and I bounce around between them to try and find new stuff. I also used to use the intralibrary loan all the time. I do mean all the time since this library leaves so much to be desired. Then they started charging to loan books that way. I stopped.

Used book stores are also one of my all-time favorite places. I love the smell of books! New bookstores are cool too....but they lack the character of the resale shops. Again, here I don't have that. I did find one about a year ago but it is rather small so it has books all over the floor and everything so that you really can't even get to stuff. Better than nothing...

Since living here I have discovered many alternate ways to get books. I'm going to share those today for my friends that really love books and don't have a library to rely on.

The most obvious would be the purchase places online. I'm talking resale...not necessarily new. You have your big names like Barnes and Noble and Amazon. That's fine but you can do better than that. If you are looking in those places, check Overstocks.com first. They have alot of the same books as Amazon (and thats where some of their stock comes from) for less.
Some of the used stores include the big names such as Ebay and Half.com. I find both of these expensive once you add shipping. Now, I hate paying shipping, but if you are in a situation like I am, you just have to do it. The shipping costs me less than a trip to Austin or Dallas to Half Priced Books (which I LOVE and have for 20+ years).

I usually skip those online stores and try Abebooks or Alibris . I have found many hard to find books at both places for great prices.
Since moving here I have discovered the book trading sites. This is where I get most of my books now. The ones I use are all different. Some are trade one, request one. Some are trade two, request one. Some deal completely in points by what they say the book is worth. All leave you responsible for the shipping cost (media mail). My top 3 to date:

PaperBack Swap - this one seems the most fair to me. You give a book, you can request a book. You pay postage for the books you send out.

BookMooch - this one I use the most. It is a 2/1 ratio where they want you to have given 2 to request 1. I dont think they actually stick to it though as my ration is more even. Again, you pay the postage on the books you send out, not request.

Bookins - this was the first trading site I ever used. They are different in that each book is worth points. They also require a credit card as you print off the label from the site and mail the book and they charge you a straight fee for shipping whenever you request a book. You don't pay for the ones that are requested from you. BUT, since the postage charge is $4 something...its like paying for 2 books as media mail is about $2.38 for a regular sized book. What I love about this one is that I don't ever have to go to the post office for a request or send - you print the label and mail. So the convenience is great...but it's not the most frugal choice.

So there you are friends. If you are looking for some places to trade or purchase hard to find used books....that's what I have for you! Hope you enjoy as much as I do. (I also hope our next destination has such an awesome library system that I don't need these guys anymore!)

So now I'm going to go and grab my current book and curl up in the fat chair with the dog and read. First I'll daydream about the library I hope to have one day....

Thankful Thursday

Since one of my favorite people in the whole world....Tricia.....does Thankful Thursday and pointed out how it makes you focus on those things at least once a week....I'm taking a page from her book and joining her.

I need this right now. See, the big personality trait that God has to work on the hardest with me is....patience. You know, that trait you need when you have a house on the market and the market is over saturated with houses in your price range. And you know that if you move you MIGHT make it 3 months paying a mortgage and rent but then you are going under and won't be able to pay your bills. Or buy groceries. Or gas for the car. Or make the car payment (at least one is paid for so we won't be totally screwed when the other gets repo'ed.)

This is when being in the military sucks.

ANYWAY!!! Thankful.....

I am thankful that my middle child has now mostly adjusted to the move to come. I am also thankful for the number of her friends that have rallied around her instead of cut and run since she's leaving anyways. I'm thankful that they have planned several going away parties for her and still include her in their summer.

I am thankful that I can now leave the youngest in a totally strange environment with child care workers she's never seen before and she is fine....will actually choose it over shopping with mom and dad (IKEA childcare rocks!!!!).

I am thankful for an adult son that will come over for sisters birthday...and bring his girlfriend because his little sister asked him to.

I am thankful that I live in a house that doesn't need repairs to sell it.

I am thankful for paying off one more debt and a car this last month. That leaves us down to 2 large debts and the van. That makes it like 6 debts paid off in 8 months. Its been hard but oh so satisfying.

I am thankful that I have whole/healthy children. I am so blessed to not deal with any of the things so many other parents live in their daily lives. I don't pretend to understand why I have this blessing....but I thank God for it each day I live it.

I am thankful to be a member of a church I don't want to leave. I didn't think I'd every find one like that again. God restored my faith in many ways here in this church.

I am thankful that my husband took the girls and has left me here alone. I can't leave them in the house even to run to the corner store with the house on the market and I'm feeling very caged.

I am WAY thankful for great friends that have planned a weekend at a lake house for us ladies before I leave. No husbands or kids. Only baby M will be joining us... which is awesome since I haven't even had a chance to hold her yet!

What are you thankful for?

Another Year...another photo album

Every year I do a small photo album of Might Mouse to send back to her orphanage.

Originally, it was meant to be sent out on her birthday. That just didn't work out. I read all the books on "anniversary grief and birthday grief", so I expected that. But I didn't expect that I would suffer from it also.

So, it takes about 2 months before I can sit down and sift through some pictures to put together. I send the director and nurses/nannies a snapshot of our little girls life. They were so good to her. She was well taken care of. She was more fortunately than so many of the orphans are.

I keep it small and portable so I can find someone traveling to receive their new child to hand deliver the album. This way I don't have to worry about it getting lost in the mail or the orphanage being charged some kind of duty or tax on it. So far it has worked perfectly.

MM asks questions about where she came from. She likes to watch the video of our visit to the orphanage. She knows they took care of her when she didn't have a family of her own. She also knows we don't know why she no longer had a family. She understands that China selected her for us and told us we could come get her and give her a family.

So far, we haven't seen any grief manifestations around her birthday. Maybe that is because it isn't right? I don't know. The birth date is a guess. One day, all too soon, she is going to figure out that she has LOST so much. Then, we are prepared for the grief and feelings of being unwanted by her parents.

For now, I feel those pains for her. I wonder WHY. Was it the one child policy? An unmarried woman? The grandparents being unhappy that she wasn't a boy? Does she think of MM? Does she ache with the memory...or has she replaced her with another? Is she the first and only that they have left? Or does she have other siblings living in other adopted homes while they try for a boy over and over?

I don't know.

What I do know, is that our lives have been enriched beyond measure. Our family is forever changed for the better. We also have complicated our lives by adopting a child of another race, that we have taken from her culture and birth land. We took it all from her.

My daughter is anxiously attached. She must touch me, sit on me, be right by me about 50% of her day. But this is better. Its not as frantic as it used to be and I believe she is ready for school and the day away from mom. It took alot of work to get here; but we are here.

If I am cross with her or raise my voice to her.....she comes apart. It is not funny. It is not pretty. It makes me angry - that she has lost so much, so many times, that she has no confidence that it won't happen again. Adults did this to her.

So doing this album every year is pretty much gut wrenching for me. It brings alot of thoughts and emotions to the forefront of my mind.

And I'm thankful for this. Why? Because when it does start to sink in, and she does start to ask those questions, I will have the slightest glimmer of what she's thinking and feeling. And I hope this lesson teaches me to handle her with the grace, love and understanding that she deserves.