Monday, December 14, 2009

Oh No. I Know This.

It's been a rough couple of weeks.

Not terrible, but very, very off.

Lots of tantrums and a very uncooperative Kindergartner.

That is just so very, very NOT normal.

My child is usually so mild mannered. So sweet. So compliant. So funny.

Lately shes been a selfish, raging, uncooperative little wretch that I can't talk to, discipline or deal with on any level. We are talking full fledged throwing yourself of the ground and going ballistic. We are talking walking possession.


So I pulled out the bible. No, not The Bible...the other, adoption parenting bible.
Stupid Autumn.

The second most thumbed through, cracked spine, dog eared pages in this book? Grief.

It's December.

Can you say Anniversary Grief?

We've lived it every year since coming home.

How could I forget?

It must be all the progress we've made so quickly.

It's been too much like having a normal kid lately.

Painful reminder.

Life is anything but normal when you adopt.

Ok. So I need to sit down and re-read the Loss & Grief chapter and get back on track.

Comfy Chair, here I come.


  1. Is it comforting to know that I remembered and have been praying for you knowing that this is the time for this? It is easier to remember from the outside than as the parent. Hugs.

  2. Do you think it will get easier as she gets older and is better able to talk about what she feels? Or will it always just be unexpressable? Something there, in the back of their minds, but not really understood?
    I am trying to prepare myself.
    I guess I need to get that book and pre-read it.
    I have learned so much more from you, and one of my other friends, then I ever learned from the training course the homestudy required.
    Thank you for being so open.

  3. Smart Mommy

    May I also recommend to you the book "The Connected Child" by Purvis and Sunshine. Excellent!! It is my bible. :-)
    Mom to 3 daughters adopted in China.

  4. Autumn,
    Holly beat me to this, but I was also going to recommend The Connected Child. You know, I think that our kids will always have those times when they will have "body memory" of the loss they have experienced. I have seen this with my boys (and will probably eventually see it in my daughter when we actually get attached). It's good that you know that this time of year triggers that. As she grows older, you might be able to anticipate it and actually talk with her about it. I think a Kindergartener probably doesn't have the words or emotional capacity yet to discuss it. She probably knows she feels something, but can't explain it. Maybe you can help with the words.

    Doesn't it just kill you that our kids have experienced this and have to go through it? It breaks my heart but I am so glad they are mine forever!