You've heard that November is Adoption Awareness month, right? The subject pops up regularly in the news and other fronts as people try to bring adoption to the public's attention. Its a time to celebrate!
At least that's what I thought for the last 6 years. I mean, what could be better than paying special attention to those awesome adoptions! Get the word out! Get more kids adopted out of foster care or where-ever!
So today I was reading an article over at Grown In My Heart : What Adoption Awareness Means To Me. It is written by a birth mother. (If you have any interest in adoption please go read this post.)
Wow. She was NOT celebrating. Not only that, she was very unhappy with those that are.
The first half of the article I'm feeling like a repeat of Mother's Day. I really don't like it when one group wants to tear down a holiday or special day honoring another group because they don't fit it quite right. I still feel strongly that mother's should all-out celebrate...even though the world is full of people that don't have mother's any longer, or have given up children or a million other reasons. Its not a day about rubbing our "motherhood" in other people's face...its a day to celebrate being a mom. Anyways....I digress. As always.
So I'm reading this article and picking it apart as another sour grapes issue. Why am I not allowed to Celebrate???? I have a gift that I thank God for every day. It is worth celebrating.
And then.....there it was.
"And while I can understand that for many people adoption is cause for celebration because it brought something good to their lives, the fact is that ALL adoption is somewhere, someplace, somehow resting on a foundation of loss. That’s not a cause to celebrate. It’s a cause to honor. One honors a loss; one does not celebrate it."
One honors a loss: one does not celebrate it.
As I've mentioned before, I am a strong supporter of the school of thought that no matter what I give or provide for my daughter...it will NEVER take away what I took from her.
So this one paragraph has managed to strike my brain like a lightening bolt.
And I will no longer CELEBRATE Adoption Awareness.
From now on, I will HONOR adoption during November.
Because adoption IS first and foremost built on loss.
Because my daughter has lost her birth mother.
And her birth father.
And her country.
And her culture.
And her language.
And being a majority instead of a minority.
So I thank Claudia for her post. I have learned a truth that just might serve my daughter well. Even if the growth is not always painless, it is growth non-the-less. Thank goodness for the birth mothers and grown adoptees that are willing to share their pain with adoptive parents. I wish more of them could express themselves so well....telling their truths without name calling the adoptive parents. You will make a difference for some child. You ARE making a difference.
So friends, won't you join me this month in HONORING adoption?