Sunday, November 1, 2009


Some of you are reading this....and looking for an answer.


All I've got are questions.


Why do so many women struggle with perfection?

Why would anyone WANT to be perfect?

I recently read a post at Heathers blog called Finding Freedom in Imperfection. The post was good...and then I read the responses. The sheer number of women that responded with their stories of their struggle with perfection floored me.


I was shocked not too long ago at a table full of women. SEVERAL women. What I learned was I was the ONLY one that was not medicated or had never been medicated for depression or being overwhelmed. I understand those things but how could I have been the only one? And I understand hormone crazyiness.

Why are so many women's hormones out of whack??

What has changed in life?

While I was in KC visiting with my mom, I asked her and my sister's MIL to tell me what was different from when they raised us and now. They were both there taking care of my niece while my sister and BIL and nephew are in Germany. So the grandma's got to run Red Sonja to all her activities and schools for 3 weeks.

My sister lives the life of what I would call the average housewife. She takes care of the home and has both kids in several activities. Normal right? Well, I have to add that she is a very high energy person and pulls this off like the champ she is. I could never keep up. (But then I've never claimed to be the normal/average anything.)

The answers were interesting. One grandma didn't think there was a difference outside of the fact that there are more activities available.

The other grandma said it was very different. Maybe this generatio was taking the standards they were raised with and then added the new standards on to them instead of replacing the old...leading too overload.

Hmm. What I found interesting is one mom had the money for activities and the other mother did not. So is the quest for perfection related to money? Have I just never had the luxury of being financially able to strive for perfection?

For me that is probably true. But for another good friend that I have that struggles with perfection, its not. She makes me look rich.

So is it a lack of love or approval like Heather mentions? This seems to be a pretty good lead. I didn't have that growing up...and I don't struggle. The people I know well that I know struggle had unacceptable childhoods.

Today I was reading one of the blogs I follow and her subject? A Less Than Perfect Day.

Shes says:

"Don't mistake perfection for happiness, they are two entirely different things."

Is that it? Are we thinking perfection = happiness. I sure hope not.

So, because I am very curious about this subject, I ask you:

Why do you struggle with perfection?

Are your hormones just out of balance? If so, have you found the underlying reason- the bodies breakdown?

Are you over scheduled and striving to keep up with all the other "perfect" people just because you can afford to be? Would you slow down and be happy if you didn't have the money for all these things and had to work with less?

Were you either unloved or was love conditional for you? Has this carried over to make you feel like you have to be perfect in order to deserve love?

Or do you think that to be perfect is to be happy?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter.


  1. You were definitely talking about me in that one paragraph! Too funny! All my answers to your questions are on my blog today, though I did not answer all of them. I enjoyed our chat. :)

  2. I'm going to be stewing on this one for awhile. DO I think that perfection = happiness? I don't know. I shall ponder...

  3. I'm pondering too b/c I too struggle with perfectionism. I was having trouble with it just today...

  4. I like to feel like things are in order because then I feel like I'm in control. At the moment, my house is a wreck and I can't function. Tomorrow I will be cleaning, cleaning, cleaning! I've never been medicated either...very loving Christian upbringing, and we didn't have much in the way of worldly possessions. I'd say that has a LOT to do with it. Perfectionism is commonly found in first born and only children as well. I'm a first born!!

  5. nicely said, but I have no answers either! I tend to take things very very lightly, and as a result, I am so not medicated!

  6. Another "first child" here. I don't think I expect perfection in my life, not in the little day to day things. Yes. I like clean and orderly, but a little bit messed up doesn't throw me out of whack (or in need of prozac!)
    I think you made a good point about the less money you have, the less stress, even though that really doesn't make sense. I guess it only goes so far - if you get too far down the "less money" spectrum, then you have more stress again!
    I don't have enough money to sign up for all the extra curricular activities, or decorate my house in the latest fashion, or try out the trendy restaurants, which in turn, keeps me from being overwhelmed with my life.
    However, I do struggle always with finding imperfection in my body. I am brewing a post about that...

  7. LOVE this topic! I think you are right about the material aspect of perfection. I really think we have to separate from society somewhat to feel completely happy.