tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post8000711267108887407..comments2023-10-25T06:29:05.472-05:00Comments on Autumn Asks Why: November is National Celebrate Adoption Month...and I Won't Celebrate: Or - More Growing Pains for Autumnautumnesfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519475352289814754noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post-41943755406666996852011-05-04T07:15:58.156-05:002011-05-04T07:15:58.156-05:00Well said, Autumn. Interesting how we can get hun...Well said, Autumn. Interesting how we can get hung up on semantics, but in this case, I think the words are different enough to truly change the meaning of occasion.Amy Whttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12263798998556540686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post-72128495888470500982011-05-04T07:15:57.611-05:002011-05-04T07:15:57.611-05:00I am glad that you kept your mind open and read - ...I am glad that you kept your mind open and read - and really heard - the entire post!<br><br>Every joy one person feels on the receiving end of an adoption represents a TRAGIC LOSS for another mother; another family that failed to remain together. The repercussions ripples out and effect many extended family and subsequent relationships and children of that mother. And the grief is LIFELONG, irresolvable, often causes PTSD, and often goes on in silencae and shame, unlike other losses that have recognized ritual.<br><br>For adopted person, regardless of how much love and good care they may receive and upward mobility and material advantages as a result of being adopted...they still feel a terrible sense of loss, rejection and abandonment.<br><br><br>I go further than asking these losses to be honored. I ask that we each think and choose very carefully before choosing to be part of the problem or pat of the solution.<br><br>Infertility is a grievous loss. So too is the loss of a limb or the loss of one's eyesight. But laws prevent us from taking organs from the living because it creates exploitation of the poor. Yet adoption allows, promotes and encourages such exploitation and coercion.<br><br>Adoption is a last resort for most who adopt. Loosing a child to adoption is also the last thing any mother wants to bear. And spending one's life wondering who they look like and why they were given away is not exactly anyone's choice either.<br><br>So, let's stop celebrating and let's also stop encouraging more family separations through tax benefits and the like. I fully support doing everything possible to find homes for children who are truly orphaned or who have no family able to provide safe care for them even when offered necessary resources to do so.<br><br>But I find it reprehensible to celebrate, honor, support or encourage adoption as it is currently practiced meet a high paid demand, while 129,000 children who COULD be adopted from foster care and those in orphanages around the word over age 5 go ignored.<br><br>That is something for us to cry in shame over - not honor or celebrate.<br><br>Mirah Riben,author<br>The Stork Market: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry<br><br>http://AdvocatePublications.comAdoptAuthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16916713887846028762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post-74322343144544324882009-12-31T09:06:16.874-06:002009-12-31T09:06:16.874-06:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post-91727422073391666542009-11-07T22:22:01.627-06:002009-11-07T22:22:01.627-06:00Beautifully said. Thank you for writing so clearly...Beautifully said. Thank you for writing so clearly, and with so much passion.Andysbethyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04005340108039880872noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post-76165785670841517992009-11-07T21:30:52.649-06:002009-11-07T21:30:52.649-06:00Loved this post, Autumn. I haven't been blog v...Loved this post, Autumn. I haven't been blog visiting much this week - survival mode with the MIL - but I am so glad I had the chance to read this one.a Tonggu Mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01365812914466181060noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post-21119058386540763332009-11-07T21:24:34.749-06:002009-11-07T21:24:34.749-06:00I join you in honoring adoption, for it is an hono...I join you in honoring adoption, for it is an honorable thing. I think it is wonderful that the difference has been noted b/t celebrating and honoring. The more you write about the emotions you and your sweet girl have about all this, the more my eyes are opened. I never really realized how hard it all was.Having It Allhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05316394224052415052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post-16741831001929244272009-11-07T11:59:47.909-06:002009-11-07T11:59:47.909-06:00I am glad that you kept your mind open and read - ...I am glad that you kept your mind open and read - and really heard - the entire post!<br /><br />Every joy one person feels on the receiving end of an adoption represents a TRAGIC LOSS for another mother; another family that failed to remain together. The repercussions ripples out and effect many extended family and subsequent relationships and children of that mother. And the grief is LIFELONG, irresolvable, often causes PTSD, and often goes on in silencae and shame, unlike other losses that have recognized ritual.<br /><br />For adopted person, regardless of how much love and good care they may receive and upward mobility and material advantages as a result of being adopted...they still feel a terrible sense of loss, rejection and abandonment.<br /><br /><br />I go further than asking these losses to be honored. I ask that we each think and choose very carefully before choosing to be part of the problem or pat of the solution.<br /><br />Infertility is a grievous loss. So too is the loss of a limb or the loss of one's eyesight. But laws prevent us from taking organs from the living because it creates exploitation of the poor. Yet adoption allows, promotes and encourages such exploitation and coercion.<br /><br />Adoption is a last resort for most who adopt. Loosing a child to adoption is also the last thing any mother wants to bear. And spending one's life wondering who they look like and why they were given away is not exactly anyone's choice either.<br /><br />So, let's stop celebrating and let's also stop encouraging more family separations through tax benefits and the like. I fully support doing everything possible to find homes for children who are truly orphaned or who have no family able to provide safe care for them even when offered necessary resources to do so.<br /><br />But I find it reprehensible to celebrate, honor, support or encourage adoption as it is currently practiced meet a high paid demand, while 129,000 children who COULD be adopted from foster care and those in orphanages around the word over age 5 go ignored.<br /><br />That is something for us to cry in shame over - not honor or celebrate.<br /><br />Mirah Riben,author<br />The Stork Market: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry<br /><br />http://AdvocatePublications.comAdoptAuthorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16916713887846028762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post-9193970995193301912009-11-07T07:47:56.390-06:002009-11-07T07:47:56.390-06:00Well said, Autumn. Interesting how we can get hun...Well said, Autumn. Interesting how we can get hung up on semantics, but in this case, I think the words are different enough to truly change the meaning of occasion.Amy Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12263798998556540686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post-88827892765238228332009-11-06T13:53:40.446-06:002009-11-06T13:53:40.446-06:00I might have to re-think Mothers Day. But I just d...I might have to re-think Mothers Day. But I just don't see it as a day that's foundation is based loss. I think that's my hang-up with those that try to suppress it because of their losses.autumnesfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04519475352289814754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post-55567590223459723102009-11-06T09:55:25.536-06:002009-11-06T09:55:25.536-06:00I definitely join you in HONORING. Well put, thank...I definitely join you in HONORING. Well put, thank you for sharing.Jaimehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07964293427715224959noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post-22964877075008161452009-11-06T09:52:03.576-06:002009-11-06T09:52:03.576-06:00You and I are on the same wavelength. Do you mind...You and I are on the same wavelength. Do you mind if I link back to your post? There is no way I could say it as well as yours. I also feel the same way as Tricia does about Mother's Day - it was such a painful day for me for so long. I spoke at length with our priest why, and they now include others who provide a mothering role to children in the Mother's Day blessing, in essence honoring all mothers, no matter what their actual name is.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8631126949164443203.post-18012002244889760362009-11-06T07:52:08.482-06:002009-11-06T07:52:08.482-06:00Mother's Day has always bothered me. You know...Mother's Day has always bothered me. You know that. Last spring, when you did your Mother's Day post, I didn't tell you, but it bothered me to. This post showed me why. Mother's Day is not to CELEBRATE mothers; it is to HONOR them. Anyone who got them confused along the way probably thought they were using a synonymn. They are not and when their Mother's Day is filled with loss, they will understand that, and regret their decision. November should be treated much the same, with kid gloves. I like the idea of HONORING adoption rather than CELEBRATING it because it acknowleges the loss felt by some while allowing for the joy felt by others. Good job on the post.Triciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00349785408418170356noreply@blogger.com