Wednesday, May 13, 2009

In Defense of Mother's Day

I tried not to post this. Really I did. But, I have a big mouth.

Personally, I thought Mother's Day stank.

Not for me. I got exactly what I asked for (which was small and practical and perfect). My kids were great and excited to celebrate. Hubs grilled/cooked dinner and it was fab. It was a perfect day at home. I even got a call from my son.

But I felt like there were all these tiny darts coming at me for the days leading up to it, and even until now.

And they really have nothing to do with me.

Where to begin?

How about church?

So, we go to church and the sermon starts out on a great note. Basically a description of the job of mothering. Right on. And then he gets past that funny part and switches gears. He doesn't want to bring this message to mother's, instead he wants to honor wives. Cause not all wives are mother's and not all the women stood up when he asked the mother's to stand.

Did I miss something?

For some reason I thought it was MOTHER'S DAY. Not wives day. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for wives - heck, I AM one. Maybe we should have a Wives Day.

Should we rearrange Secretary's Day to celebrate the trash collectors also? After all, we are leaving out lots of hard working and important people. Actually, maybe they shouldn't have their own day since we could never possibly honor all the other working fields also.

MOTHERING gets honored exactly one day a year. Should we be ashamed of that because not all women are mothers?

Should we not celebrate or rejoice out in the open because of the women who have lost children - whether already born or miscarried? That is a huge loss. I can't even imagine it. So, since its a hard day for these women/mother's, should we stop honoring those currently mothering or those that have mothered? Should we be subdued in public because of their pain? And they are in pain.

And how about adopted people? Some have terrible emotions or scars because of being adopted and not raised by their birth mother. And how about the women that gave up those children? Can you imagine some of that anguish? Should we not have Mother's Day out of consideration for them?

I am a mother. By birth and adoption.

I am so honored by Mother's Day. It's the day everyone stops and thinks about the mother's in their lives and what they do/did. I am not ashamed to love this attention once a year. It's not about the gifts. It's not about flowers. It's the one day a year we are not invisible to the rest of society.

Infertile women, birth mother's, wives without children, women who have miscarried or lost a child after birth and the pain of adopted children usually don't get recognized on this day. They are invisible - all the time. Some people don't even think about where they fit in on Mother's Day - other's just don't know what to say to them. All of their pain is very real and very valid. It is heartbreaking to even think about let alone live through. My heart aches for them. I would never want to be deliberately hurtful or dismissive of them. I remember them on this day even if society in general does not.

But I still want to celebrate Mother's Day. Out loud. With no shame for my blessings.

And since it's getting politically incorrect for me to enjoy this because of those that don't, I wonder if its even worth celebrating any more. How can you celebrate when there are so many people pointing fingers and telling us about how insensitive it is to do so?

I hope my pain over anything never steals anyone's joy or is used as a tool to steal anothers joy. This Father's Day, I don't expect anyone to not talk about honoring their father because I just lost mine. I just want to honor all those dads.

So maybe that makes me a really bad person. I don't know.

What I do know is political correctness is out of control.


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  2. I applaud you for "having a big mouth." :)

    I too want to celebrate my mother and being a mother on this day. I know you are truly sensitive and care about those who want to be mothers. I also know that it would be nice to celebrate this day without guilt. I sure do LOVE being a mother and I don't wanna feel guilty about that!

  3. I totally agree with you. Mother's Day is Mother's Day, plain and simple.

    Also, you asked about the quilt size in my blog. It's not very big, about 40" x 55". I think if you were to make one which is single bed sized, it wouldn't be too hard either. I am planning to make one for DD - after I finish the jackets I promised her and my son :)

  4. All I have to say is THANK YOU!! I totally agree with you!

  5. I didn't feel as strongly about this as you, but I definitely get your point. Well said. In fact, on Sunday afternoon I found myself feeling a little "Huh?" instead of my usual, "Wow - that was a really great sermon." It probably helped a lot of people so I'll just have rest in that.

  6. I have to heartily agree with you very valid point - political correctness is way out of hand.
    I am a mother by birth (and working on adoption) as well as someone who has lost a child. My sister is someone who is trying very hard to be a mother, but has not yet been able.
    We are both daughters of a wonderful mother.
    We celebrated mother's day together - my sister, my mother, my children and I.

    I have to say that I probably would have been frustrated if I had attended your church service last Sunday. Then again, I am often frustrated by church services...
    That may explain why we spent Mother's day worshiping God in the beauty of His creation. (at the local zoo)
    Thanks for sharing!

  7. Even with all that I wrote in my post on this topic... I don't understand your pastor's strategy. I would have felt irked as well.

    There is a huge difference between celebrating Mother's Day with sensitivity and not celebrating Mother's Day at all. I don't personally like the holiday (then again, I don't like Valentine's Day either - same thing in my book). But I feel there is a huge difference between compassion and political correctness.

    My absolute favorite Mother's Day service was about five years ago - five women spoke about what it means to be a mother in lieu of a sermon. They were: a woman who lost her mother when she was a child... a woman who lost her child... a woman struggling with infertility... a stepmom... and an adoptive mom. They passed out flowers to everyone in the congregation -- different colors corresponded to different situations - losing a child, losing a mom, being a mom, having a mom, having more than one mom, and on and on. I left that service feeling wonderful.