But you all already knew that, right?
You see, I question God.
And apparently that makes me the worst kind of human scum to exist on this earth. At least that is what the good Christians tell me.
Because I'm not going to fall down on my face and send up praises to the Lord for the hard times. I'm not going to bless Him for destroying what I have.
At least not in THAT moment.
But I also don't curse Him. Or blame Him. Or think I deserve something better. (filthy rags and all that)
But I do ask Him questions. Lots and lots of questions. And I am not afraid to beg for answers. Clear answers. Answers only my Father has.
So the conversation might go something like this: Ok - so we need to know what to do. And we need to know now or I'm not going to be able to keep it together. You know that. And I'd like an answer now -- because You tell us to ask and we will receive. Or at least a clear sign that this is all in Your hands? And even though we want Your will, not our own, I'm asking for it sooner than later. You know our hearts. So how about a little mercy for the impatient one? Please?
Always I start and end with Your will and timing over all -- but here's my heart. Because I don't want to be outside of His will and just given what I want. But I'm going to ask for an answer.
And to do otherwise would be a lie. To my God. Like He doesn't know.
But I guess I'm breaking some of the Christian handbook rules.
No, I didn't say Bible. Because the Bible tells us to bring all our petitions and sorrows and cares to Him. ALL OF THEM.
Even the questions.
And those of you that tell me I'm not allowed?
You are the ones that bring on my season's of doubt.
Not God. Not hard circumstance.
No wonder so many people hate religion.