Friday, February 17, 2012

I Am The Worst Kind Of Pond Scum

But you all already knew that, right?


You see, I question God.

And apparently that makes me the worst kind of human scum to exist on this earth. At least that is what the good Christians tell me.

Because I'm not going to fall down on my face and send up praises to the Lord for the hard times. I'm not going to bless Him for destroying what I have.

At least not in THAT moment.

But I also don't curse Him.  Or blame Him.  Or think I deserve something better. (filthy rags and all that)

But I do ask Him questions.  Lots and lots of questions.  And I am not afraid to beg for answers. Clear answers.  Answers only my Father has.

So the conversation might go something like this: Ok - so we need to know what to do.  And we need to know now or I'm not going to be able to keep it together.  You know that.  And I'd like an answer now -- because You tell us to ask and we will receive.  Or at least a clear sign that this is all in Your hands? And even though we want Your will, not our own, I'm asking for  it sooner than later. You know our hearts.  So how about a little mercy for the impatient one? Please?

Always I start and end with Your will and timing over all -- but here's my heart.  Because I don't want to be outside of His will and just given what I want.  But I'm going to ask for an answer.

And to do otherwise would be a lie.  To my God. Like He doesn't know.

But I guess I'm breaking some of the Christian handbook rules.

No, I didn't say Bible. Because the Bible tells us to bring all our petitions and sorrows and cares to Him. ALL OF THEM.

Even the questions.

And those of you that tell me I'm not allowed?

You are the ones that bring on my season's of doubt.

Not God.  Not hard circumstance.


No wonder so many people hate religion.


  1. First off, you are NOT. Second off, if God had not intended for us to ask questions (of every kind) He would not have given us a brain that works and the curiosity to want to learn more. I feel sorry for the people that are questioning you. Don't let them get you down - you're stronger than that and you do deserve better. And you also deserve answers. Love you girl.

  2. Why the hair shirt on the hanger before you? I am the same ... and we both share a deep and abiding love with our Father. Neither of us accept His word, through mans mouth, as the TRUTH. So, let those who would be less, know less, love less for their what they are. You stay true to what you KNOW within...where He resides. "Christians" has become an oxymoron kind of word. You can say you are all day long...but when night comes and you lay your head to many opportunities did you fail to recognize and act on to demonstrate the label you define yourself by? Also, what kind of Christian are you...which label do you identify with? Lutheran, Methodist? Are you a Baptist? The Southern Baptist "counsel" wants to drop the "Southern" from their name for "political" reasons....hmmmmmm gotta wonder. I love you just the way you are...for who you are; immense in spirit and faith and love. Please don't change for those who would take (or tarnish) the light within. All will be well, as He has promised. Also, my pantry is still full. The guest room and sun room are ready for you and your crew to come and stay with us. Please. Love to all...darlene

  3. Miss you. And that was just a verbal temper tantrum. I'm over it. LOL!

  4. So can we put a trailer in your back yard and live there??? LOL! Just kidding. Its best to just stay put for as long as we can pull it off at this point. We are looking at everything. El Paso (kill me now), North Carolina, Maryland. March 1 is creeping up on us awful fast. And it will be a relief to see what kind of money we will have coming in....although I suspect rent is going to take up at least 80% of it.