Saturday, August 6, 2011

Cinder Speaks

So, I've been hanging out here for a while now, and I have to say it ain't so bad.  Sure beats the life of a stray. No more trash cans for me! (No really, they lock them up where I can't get them. For some reason they HATE shredded trash all over the place?!)

I'm happy to say that my bones are not visible all over my body. Why I'm positively fat compared to before. But I'm not fat. The vet says I'm perfect so I get a very regimented amount of food.....and almost no people food at all....except what I can pull out of the baby's hands or sneak off the table when no one is looking. And my coat? My do I shine.

They also put all their shoes up.  I LOVED those shoes. I know I must have consumed at least 4 pairs. No, more than that....I got that many of the baby's shoes alone. The Mom had a couple of really cool screaming fits....something to do with Sketchers and a pair of expensive black dress shoes. So why the heck did she leave those under the bed in box anyways?

But you really want to see my humans dance? So EASY!! All I have to do is swallow a pair of the baby's underwear! Hey, isn't that what they are on the floor for??? A Cinder snack???  And when I puke them up in the back yard it causes all kinds of excitement. They are so impressed with my skill set of swallowing them whole without even chewing them up first.  Heck, those things are stinky enough that I don't have to CHEW the flavor out of them!! And I don't know why they scream about this -- its not like I actually digested them and had to go to the vet with a blocked bowel.  And its not a bad idea to buy all new undies at the beginning of vacation season anyways. Geesh.

I have my own bed. It rocks.  But I LOVE to curl up in that rats bed.....just to make him mad. He is toooooo easy.  But that Mom picked it up and put it in the great big plastic bin under her sewing table....and now the rat lays in there where I can't get at him without a kick to the ribs from The Mom. But I am patient.  And I wait......

So lets talk about The Rat.  Talk about a stuck-up, spoiled momma's boy. And he's not big enough to qualify as a dog.  And oh my word!! I can make him scream louder and whimpier than ANY girl I ever met!! I love to grab his whole backside in my mouth and then spit him out!! Talk about insulting him! He hates it!  Almost as much as when I get my nose under him and flip him in the air!!  Hah, hah! You should see that! Yes, he hates me.  And I practice my mad stalking and pouncing skills on him every chance I get.  He tries to attack me when I do, but PLEASE! Unless he catches a lip there is no way he can do harm.  And he better watch his back...all that screaming he does gets me in trouble. All I want to do it play.  But if he can't be bothered to play with me, well I'll use him for target practice instead. A girls got to do what a girls got to do.

I also have lots of toys here. I love my tug-o-war rope.  And its real fun to walk up to one of the humans and whip my head around so I can bust them with that big knot in it.  Hah.  And do you know I've given My Master three black eyes???? Not kidding. The Mom is afraid they are going to start accusing her of spousal abuse at his work.  Hah!  No way!  Its me! I am the wrestle master of this house.
I also have my own blanket.  I LOVE to suck on it.  Yep. My own personal Binkie.  No, I'm not chewing it up, I'm sucking on it.  I have no ideal why these people think that's weird.  Tell me these other kids didn't have a pacifier!

Right now I am in school. Apparently they are not very happy with my behavior on the leash.  I guess it can make it tough when The Master and I go for a jog.  But you know, that jogging stuff is over-rated! I get so tired I just DIVE into the grass and make Him pull me.  Dude! I'm beat! It's hot! Slow up!  (***We are actually wondering if the dog has a weak heart this is so strange.)

And when they went on vacation? They got me my own private assistant to come stay right here at the house with me.  Does that not rock??

So, I think I did really good.  And I LOVE MY MASTER!  The rest of them are pretty cool too, but OH MY MASTER.  I LOVE HIM!

1 comment:

  1. Boy, can I relate. I love shoes, too. I'm proud to say I've ruined about 15 since my adoption 3 months ago. I also have a preference for chargers. Have you tried them? Cell phone chargers are the best, followed closely by lap top chargers (I prefer Apple products). I also destroy--I mean, read--the New York Times.

    Are your masters letting you piss and poop in the house? Mine seemed pretty steamed when I do it, but when it's pouring rain, I do not like to get my pretty white coat dirty or wet, so what's a gal to do?

    Today I'm chillin' on the patio with my homies, Bo and Brady. I'm bigger than both of them now, so my masters figure I'm going to be a big girl when I'm full grown.

    They're taking me to something called Puppy School next week. I hear it involves cookies, so I'm cool with it.

    Paws, dude...

    Sophie Cushing