Wednesday, December 8, 2010
She Won't Raise Her Kids Like That.
OK - I'm going to be picking on my teen in this post. Just a heads up. Love that kid.
So I am at the Dollar Tree with my girls. Had to make a quick stop for wrapping supplies on the way home from picking Songbird up from drama.
Fairly quick in and out.
Or so I thought.
But Mighty Mouse wanted something. And she had already been being a pain and just being ugly in the store - very uncooperative. So the answer was no.
I know! I do that! Can you imagine? And the answer was no because of her behavior. I DO NOT reward bad behavior. Period.
But....this is the child that almost never hears the word no. Not because she is spoiled (although she is), but because she almost never asks for anything or behaves in manner that requires a no.
She's been so easy ya'll. Now, she has been velcro baby and had plenty of PTS issues and sensory issues...blah, blah, blah. But as far as public and even private behavior? Cake.
So the kid starts throwing a rip-roaring, LOUD, screaming fit in the line. At first I just looked at her in amazement.
Who's kid is THIS????????
And it was a long line guys. Really, really long.
And the teen? Oh so very embarrassed. She tried to slink away but had things she wanted to buy herself so she couldn't as the line was still growing.
And we are generating quite a bit of attention. But I keep my voice down and stand firm. Lots more crying and screaming. Lots more explanations as too why its no -- and a threat that if she doesn't cut it out she won't get anything the next time we come either.
So by now Songbird is ready to die. And she looks at me and exclaims loudly that when she is a parent she isn't going to raise her kids like this!!!!!!!!!!
Like I trained the child this way.
Like she has an on/off switch.
Like I can just take the batteries out.
She really couldn't see that the only way I personally could stop her fit was to A) take her out of the store -- which is not going to happen because its not that close to the house and I needed those wrapping supplies before hubs returned tonight so I could get his gifts wrapped and under the tree before he found them; or B) give the child what she wants -- and by this point it would be a cold day in Hades before THAT would happen.
And after we returned home???
Another HOUR of fit throwing. And she got so mad she started clawing her arms up to hurt herself. And she screamed all about how no one loves her and no one wants her.
Ummm...can you tell this kid never gets mad so now she has no idea what to do with the emotions????
And it kept on so I refused to take her to gymnastics also. (OM! You mean you didn't take your child to her activities??? Ones you paid for???? That is so not right! I would never do that!)
She got 3 warnings and then told I refuse to take her outside our house and into public knowing she won't behave herself. Which of course added another 30 minutes to the fit.
And I really wish I knew exactly how to keep that kid in her room when she screams. But -- she is afraid I will leave so she has to rage at my feet and in my ear. Abandonment issues. Ugh.
Needless to say by the time hubs got home from his trip I was SO glad to see him.
And as I was talking to him about it in our bedroom and we were trying to figure out what was triggering this.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Didn't we do this last year???
And the year before.
It's December, Autumn.
So just how many years do you think it will take for me to get it into my brain to expect and recognize the whole Anniversary Grief thing???
So yes, like many a December before, I pulled out "The Book" for a quick review.
And once again I shake my head that we have to have December as our adoption month. Really? Any other month would have been kinder.