Where Are You Today?

If I could meet you.
If I could see you face to face
What would I say?

Because you live with us daily.
In her eyes
In her smile
In the genetic surprises that surface

Mouse has lavished me with love today.
Her momma
She made me little gifts
She wants to take me out
She is excited to celebrate me.

I wonder if she is thinking of you also?
She doesn't say
I could ask
But I let her lead these conversations

I am thinking of you.
So many questions
So many feelings
Where are you today?

Over the years I have wanted to ask so many things
And each year its different
Some years I am angry with you
Some years I am sorry for you

Do you think of her?
Do you wonder where she ended up?
Did you watch from the shadows as she was found?
Or did you run away?

Do you wonder what she looks like?
If she is a good student?
If she is healthy?
If she has siblings?

I wonder.

I wonder why.
I wonder how you deal with the loss daily.
I wonder if you would take it back if you could.
I wonder if she was the only one you abandoned.
Were there more?

We talk about you sometimes.
I expected more grief
More questions
More anger

I am astounded at her need for me
The fierceness of her love for me
The way she panics at the thought of not having me
And her complete faith in me.

She is amazing
She is funny
She is spunky
She is loving
She is beautiful
She is picky
She is spoiled
She swings high
She laughs at inappropriate things
She likes mischief


Some of this is from you
And some of this is from me.

And even though we will never meet
We make a beautiful team.