Do You Remember When?

Do you remember when.....

...your high school schedule was the end-all-be-all topic of your world?

...you went to do laundry and never wondered if there was soap available, or how much the electricity and water costs to do said laundry?

...your day could be ruined by being asked to pick something up that you didn't mess up?

...clothes shopping was the highlight of your week (and you never once worried about the cost)?

...your only responsibilities included your room, the dishes, one bathroom and your own laundry?

...you didn't have to pay for car insurance or car repairs?

...your friends were more important than your own family?

...you obsessed over what you were going to wear, and how it looked....every day?

...you were afraid to leave the house without make-up?

...having your phone taken away was punishment instead of a reward!?

...tv and movies were more important than most other forms of entertainment.

...you weighed 90 pounds soaking wet and could eat whatever you wanted...or not eat...its all the same?


Anybody who has a teen, probably never dreams or thinks about what it would be like to go back to that time in their life.

My word.

I REALLY Don't Like Looking For a Church

I think looking for a church is probably the most stressful and hard thing we deal with each time we move.

The move to Texas I actually drug my feet for a whole year before finding a church home. It was awful.

There is a history here that I won't really go into...but lets just say that we looked over and over for a year before we left Nebraska. We had given up. Prior to that we stayed in a church we didn't really belong in for 5 years because we hate looking. Also because we sat under a whole lot of preaching on not quitting. We didn't want to be quitters.

So here we are again looking for a church home. At least this time it only took 3 months to get busy. I must admit that is because our girls hound us over it weekly. I just have the hardest time forcing myself to go through this.

And we have looked around the area for certain things and were having no luck. We had one prospect but neither of us were thrilled about it.

So last week I was throwing dinner into the crockpot and thinking we had better go to church this coming Sunday. Songbird had asked about it - both me and dad at different times. She said she really needed to connect with some Christian teens. She needs the support and the accountability.

So I'm at the sink and I switch on the radio. And not 10 minutes later there is an interview with a youth pastor and his assistant pastor from a local church. They were interviewed about their youth program.

Exactly what we are looking for. Sounding very much like the church we left in Texas. Big on training up their youth to serve and be involved. A passion for reaching the kids in their community and throwing out the pre-conceived notions on what a church kid is supposed to look and act like. Big on meeting the youth of the city where they are at and serving them. Notice the theme? SERVE.

So the girls and I checked out Sunday morning. The teens don't have services on Sunday mornings...they serve in the church instead. Then they take over the whole church on Sunday nights for their things.

I normally keep the girls with me the first couple of visits to make sure the preaching lines up with what we believe. We've visited churches that were so NOT in line that I felt sick to my stomach for not knowing what my kids were being exposed to...so we don't do that if we can help it.

Unfortunately the worship was too loud for Mighty Mouse. I had to take her out. So I took her to kids church. Very nice set up...and huge. I did have to stop them placing her in the first group they picked as it was all white. I pointed to the group with another Asian, Blacks, Middle Eastern and Hispanic children. I apologized for picking the largest group but it was best from my daughter so they complied. They were in a large group at first...which was too noisy so MM wouldn't let me leave her until they broke down into small groups in smaller rooms.

After services Songbird said she liked it enough to try out youth that night. No problem. I left MM home with dad and took her back out. It is not close to our house so I packed up a book and computer and figured I'd hang out until she was done. This also gave me the opportunity to slip in and listen to the preaching. I had to be all stealthy because you know I'm not allowed to sit with Songbird.

I met the pastors and talked a minute. They asked me to stick around after the service to take a tour of the new building -- a building that is for the youth. It was amazing...and they hope to do a groundbreaking with a Toby Mac concert.

And as we were leaving we had people come up and introduce themselves in the parking lot even.

Boy people.

Checking out my little girl people.

That's a new one.

That I'm not ready for.

Because I hate being the parent that doesn't allow their kid to date at 14....when all the other church kids are doing it.

And you know, the Christian parents that allow their kids to date are much nastier than non-Christian parents when they find out you don't let your kid date.

Why is that?

Sorry people.

1 in 4 girls is sexually molested by the time they are 18.

1 in 4.

Why would I put my daughter in situations where that is easily accomplished at 14?

I'm not sure I'll even do it at 16.

And we've had this discussion. We've discussed the heart scars left by broken relationships. We discussed the purpose of dating in the first place. We've discussed how easy it is to get carried away. Think you are going to control a situation with raging hormones is crazy. Just ask all those girls that ended up pregnant...when they did INTEND to have sex even.

Currently she tells me she plans to wait until college to actually date.

I hope that remains true. She will have to be very very strong to actually pull it off when all the other teens are dating.

I don't think we got it right with our first kid, so I'm hoping it goes a little better with this one.

Sheeesshhh.

Like it isn't hard enough to visit churches without this issue!

Little girls should not be allowed to grow up.

Especially not in the middle of looking for a church.

Autumn asks: Do your children do chores?

I used to think that everybody did chores while growing up. I mean, my parents explained to me how it was the way that families worked together. It's a shared responsibility on taking care of the home we live in, sleep in, eat in, etc. Kind of like being at work...everyone does there job. If someone sat around and did nothing would that be fair?

And of course we knew that our dad grew up on a farm with a father that was less than helpful at times. From a young age he was the one out in the fields plowing, weeding, watering, etc. At least we didn't have to do that! We had it easy! A kitchen, a bathroom, laundry (inside with a washer and dryer), vacuuming and dusting were really not that hard.

So we have our first child and start teaching him to do chores. He did little things until the age of 9 or 10, then he was given big chores. Big, like washing dishes. Big, like learning to help mow or edge the lawn. Big, like cleaning one of the bathrooms. Big, like keeping his room clean.
And as he hit teenage years we started having problems. Now, its not like these chores were done cheerfully or well. We had to stay on him and keep teaching. Every time. It wasn't fun. It would have been much easier to just do it myself.

Anyways, back to having problems. Bones friends did not do chores. ALL of them. No chores. Now, my son is attracted to "strays" (gets it from his mom) so all these friends were the products of broken homes and had moms that were working long hours, more often than not 2 jobs, and had strange schedules. Now throw visitation in there - assuming the ex even gave a hoot and wanted to see the kids. So mom is tired. I understand that. I'm sure when you are that beat down you really don't want to spend your time with your kids making them do chores...and re-do chores when they aren't done right.

So we had many a fight with our teenager over chores. It wasn't fun. NOBODY else does them! And then I would point out that NOBODY else will be able to take care of themselves or even go to college because they can't even be bothered to do chores...how are they going to make it through school???

So my son moved out and lives at college. He can do his own laundry. He is capable of cleaning every room in his apartment (I haven't gone in there so I don't know that he does - I'm thinking not). He can cook like you wouldn't believe. And do you know the kinds of things that went into that apartment with him? A rice cooker. A crockpot. A George Forman Grill. Dishes. Pots and pans. He was set. And he knows how to use every one of those things.

His friends? Well, one has gone to college and is still living at home while he does so. He works and is doing well. ALL THE OTHERS? Still live at home, work fast food and are pretty much exactly what we said they would be. AND ITS A WASTE. They are good kids. But no one taught them how to work, or why they should. Mom's were over-worked and dad's weren't dads.

And we have a candidate that is going to tax the workers to help support these people now? Good political lesson for my son - except I can't get the bonehead to register to vote and give a hoot. There is my big FAIL as a parent. JUST VOTE kid! I don't care for who! But his buds that are going nowhere...bet they are voting...and know who they'd vote for.

How did this turn political? Moving on....

So now I have another teen and we are repeating the pattern. Lots of strays and then some friends that are second marriage or late in life babies that are very well taken care of. Mostly, no chores. And our daughter is MUCH WORSE about doing chores correctly, dragging her feet and being a big brat about the whole thing. But, so be it. I hate it, but it is necessary. She needs to be able to take care of herself and her home. Whether she actually does it or not is not my focus...its that she is able. Because she HAS been taught. And teaching is my job. What she does with the teaching is hers.

So I encourage those that haven't started teaching chores to consider it. It effects a lot more than just your house. It gives skills and confidence. It actually helps teach work ethic. It is worth the extra gray hair. And it teaches that mom is not a doormat to wipe your feet on -- she's someone to help out or work along side. You are teaching your sons respect for his future partner. You are teaching your daughters how to bless their families.

God bless the mother's that teach their children the daily chores of life. God bless the father's that teach their son's to work in the yard, carve a turkey and work on cars (even if that means teaching how often to take the car for an oil change and how to change a tire and check pressure only). And for all of you that haven't hit the teenage years yet, BE PREPARED. The world is working against you.

Autumn asks: Have you ever been worthy of the Worst Mother of the Year Award?

I am the winner of the Worst Mother of the Year award today. I have been a bad mom to both girls. Get your phones ready to call it in. It's not pretty.

Last night Mighty Mouse and I were alone as Songbird and DH went on an all night fun fest with the youth group at church. I think they did pizza, bowling, movies and skating. MM fell asleep on the couch in her clothes because I was doing my own little movie fest...
Yep... a monster movie night. Vintage 1968.Complete with girl falling out of her shirt. Really! There must have been duct tape in most of those scenes cause NOBODY'S shirt shows that much...all smooshed together. Did they have duct tape in 1968?The giant crab thing that fights the giant scorpion. The one eyed- octopus. Well, he was more interesting than the killer seaweed.

Also, Made of Honor was not too bad. But please! She would not have left the Scottish Duke.

Anyways, youngest child was put to bed in her clothes. At about 8am Songbird and her daddy crawled in. Songbird went to bed knowing that she could only have a 2 hour nap because she had Girl Scouts at 11:00am.

Now, this kind of relates to the Overwhelmed post. We are smack in the middle of a life lesson for Songbird. I'm trying to teach her not to over-schedule herself and why. So I wake her up at 10:00. She cried. She wailed. She was awful. The drama gene was in full swing.

So I told her fine - go back to bed.

She got quiet. I peeked to make sure she hadn't fallen asleep on the spot...but she was just sulking. No more tears and drama but serious pouting and ugly, ugly face. So she decided she needed to go to her meeting but she wasn't going to be graceful about it or anything.

About this time DH fell out and crashed. I had planned on leaving Mighty Mouse home with him while I ran Songbird out to her meeting. She is scampering around the house...in yesterday's clothes still.

At the last minute I decide I had better take MM with me because DH is sleeping so hard and I don't want to come home between drop-off and pick-up of Songbird. Two hours is a long time to leave a 4 year old with a sleeping parent. So she gets thrown in the car...IN YESTERDAYS CLOTHES. Yes, I took my poor child out in public in the same clothes (unwashed) two days in a row. That is beyond gross.

Wait...it gets better.

So my older child is still putting on the "poor me" show. She's now crying about how she won't be able to stay awake during the meeting. Hey, I told her to go back to bed - want does she want from me????

Some caffeine is in order. I pulled into the corner store and bought her a Dr. Pepper........

....and No-Doz.

Yes.

I gave a 13 year old No-Doz.

And I dropped her off at scouts...with a quick warning to her leader. (Oh my and look at her face she says). I also assure her leader that I am staying in town so if it gets too ugly for words to call me and I'd come get my little sleepy headed monster. But, when I returned to pick her up she was knee deep in participating and doing just fine. So hopefully I won't be in jail long.

So there you have it.

Bad, bad mother.

She Made the Vocal Team

Anyone with a teenage daughter knows about ups and downs. Crazy ups and down. Stupid ups and downs. Confusing ups and downs. Funny ups and downs. The ups can be rather annoying -- and the downs will run the rest of the family out of the house...screaming and pulling their hair.

This post is an up. A small history is required.

Songbird spent the last year participating in a Christian dance (hip/hop) group at our church. This group is called Motion. It has been great fun to see them perform at church. They also go out into the community and put on performances...and then join the crowd and make friends. They share their message of faith with the crowd. The neat thing about that is they are trained on how to share their story and get it down to a 1-2 minute testimony. This is an important skill to have. Nobody wants to be stuck with the rambler, the mystical, the unclear or the Holier Than Thou message.

Anyways. Songbird picked up the dances pretty quick and had a great time. I got to see my teen doing something physically active, with other Christians, and it didn't cost. But, as singing is Songbirds passion, she really did want to be on the vocal team.

This year she tried out for vocal team. I waited on pins and needles waiting to hear if she made it. She wasn't making a real big deal out of it...but you could tell it was very important. And the Doubting Thomas in me wondered how badly this was going to shake things up...how disappointed she was going to be. How were we going to pull her out of her funk? What bribes could we use to put a smile on her face.

She made it.

I'm quite sure I was much more shocked and surprised than she was. Not that she can't sing...because she really can. But there were about 8 slots...and I know on the dance team there were over 30 kids. I have no idea how many tried out for vocals...but I know it was more than 8. And this is one huge bunch of talented kids.

And the coolest part of this is that she gets to work under our Worship Pastor, Gary Rhodes. As in "My Utmost for His Highest" and "A Christmas to Remember" composer Gary Rhodes. He has won the Gospel Music Association's Dove Award. And I love seeing what he will lead us in each Sunday...it is always different - he's so diverse.

What an incredible thing this is for her.

My daughter is having an incredible 13th year. Even if she is sure everyone hates her at school (this week). And can scream and cry at the drop of a hat. And hates her hair. And hates her freckles.

I would never, ever, ever, want to be 13 again.

Autumn asks: Do you have a drama queen?

Unfortunately, my husband comes from a family that has VERY strong drama genes. It's not pretty. And, to make matters worse, our Songbird seems to have inherited a nice sized slice of that piece of gene pie. Now, add a dad that can't stand drama, and a mom that does not understand the mental workings of a drama queen, and you have the recipe for occasional disasters.

We have worked hard to curb the drama gene. We have kept our little queen involved in state choirs and school choirs and drama classes in summer. She really likes that. We try to make sure she understands where drama is appropriate and where it is ridiculous. The phrase "Get a grip!!" is known to pass my lips on a rather regular basis.

But this is not one of those times.

Songbird went in to auditions for the local high school play. She missed the casting auditions and went to see if she could slide into a silent part or even be a stage hand or behind the scenes kind of girl. When she asked me about casting auditions last week she needed to have a monologue prepared....and I don't even know what that is. I suggested she stay after school and watch the auditions so next time she would know. Anyways, she didn't but she jumped at the chance to work on the play in some manner.

So when we picked her up from auditions we were really shocked to find out that she had a speaking part...and is an understudy for an even bigger part on a day that person can't make it to the public performance. What??? How did you go from stage hand to speaking parts??? Only our child.

So for th0se that know my little drama queen, make sure to congratulate her the next time you see her for her part in the Aladdin play.
As the ever practicle mom, I'm wondering how she will make it through the next 2 months. She gets on the bus at 6:45, and now at least 2x a week she will not be leaving school until 7:00pm. Practices are from 4:00-7:00pm. Ouch. Guess I'd better stock up on granola bars and other portable, high calorie snacks to help her get through!!

And here's the real kicker for me. She is the only Jr. High kid in the play. She will be spending all those hours rehearsing with HIGH SCHOOL boys! (Who said there is no drama on my side of the family?? LOL!) NO. NO. NO. Excuse me while I go try on the drama queen hat.

Autumn asks: Is Cherry Limeaide a color?

Apparently it is if you are a 12 year old girl with a new room to decorate.

When Songbird told me she wanted to paint her room green, I thought this was going to be a good thing. I love green! She loves green! But then I found out that the green she loves, and the green I love...are at opposite ends of the green color realm. Wow. When we went looking at paint chips, she kept pulling out this crazy florescent green that made my eyes cross. Are you SURE? Really SURE this is the color you want??? It will take MANY coats to paint over if you don't like it. You're SURE?

Yes, she was very sure. And, she wants to accent everything with cherry red. Really. Sounds kind of like a Christmas tree. Hmm. She insists this is what she wants. And we have NOTHING in these colors to work with. Great.

I bought the paint and went to work. Got the first coat on and shuddered. I had to wait a couple of days before beginning the next coat just to give my eyes a break. Then, as the second coat went on and began to dry...I began to like this new color. It looked good. How did she do that? And a cool side effect of the color was it brightened the hallway also just from the reflected light! That was pretty funny.

Next we had to find a bed for her little bitty room since we put old bed in Mighty Mouses room. Of course she picked a rather expensive daybed...that she understands she must use until the day she dies, so I get my money's worth. Brat.

Then we looked at what she already had, and bought a couple of cans of cherry red spray paint. The curtain rod, iron hook, square shelves from the bathroom, and her heart shelf all got a coat or two or three. It was coming together.


I had her watercolors from China framed.

We had already framed her horse ink print with some red velvet paper and a frame from Michaels -- that would go great.

Then I found a watercolor she did in art class of a branch or plant or something and slapped a cheap frame on that with some red poster board behind it.

And the best part was that her GS painting looks great with the green.


I have to share about the Girl Scout painting. In Nebraska GS's can sign up to work with a local artist once a year to make a piece of art that is auctioned off to raise money for the council. Songbird wanted to paint so she and 6 other girls were assigned to a painter. The girls picked a magazine photo that was then cut into 7 strips by the artist. Each girl was given a strip, the canvas and she chose her own paints from the artists supplies, and was sent home to work on their strip for a month- without ever seeing what the other girls were doing. Then we returned the canvas to the artist, and she put it all together and framed it. The neat part is that Songbird did one end, and her best bud did the other. At the auction Songbird tried to talk us into bidding on the painting, but it was just too expensive for our blood. But, a week after the auction I called the council and inquired about how much the painting went for out of curiosity. And wouldn't you know, it went for the starting price...but the person that bid had not picked it up. A few weeks later they called me and asked me if I wanted it for the list price. Songbird had a birthday coming up so I went ahead and bought it. I can't even begin to describe the screams of surprise and delight when she unwrapped it. Now she owns this piece of art with her best buds work on it also. Really neat.

Anyways, now we had an idea of what to shop for. So we took a trip to Ikea. I find it funny how American's love Ikea. We shopped at them overseas. I don't think most people here know that Ikea is pretty much Kmart overseas. Really. Anyways, we found a $4 red trash can, a $12 comforter cover and some red pillows for next to nothing.

And this is Bo...her baby. That sleeps on her bed. Under the covers. Doesn't he look like a rat?

I digress. Then we found a green CD holder at the outlet mall (Bombay Company) and 2 more little CD holders for $1 each at Gardenridge.


We also hung her silk umbrella and found a red paper lantern from China.


The window I did spend some money on. JCPenney has this line called the "carwash" line. If you look at the curtain it looks like the strips of fabric from a drive-thru car wash. She really like that so I went ahead and got them when they were having a 50% off sale.



Not nearly as cheap as Mighty Mouses room because of the bed. And I have to admit that I don't look forward to having to cover that color up when we move...but it did turn out rather cool. Nice job kid.

Now if I could just get her to keep it cleaned up.....

Autumn asks: Moms, are you ready for Make-Up?

Really, I'm not.

Anyone that has a little girl knows that the, "When can I wear make-up?", question comes up early. That's if you are lucky...a lot of little girls just start wearing it without asking the question, as they pass it among their friends and swap all kinds of nasties like pink eye and other green and yellow oozing messes. Gross.

Songbird wanted to join her friends in the wearing of make-up in the 5th grade. And when she said "everyone is doing it!!" she wasn't far off. So we were the big, bad, mean parents that said no. Not even over my dead body. Why would you be trying to attract male attention in the 5th grade??

At that point I made the the comment to talk to me in Jr. High. So Jr. High arrived last year and I said that she could start wearing make-up in 8th grade, but not this year. Well, let me back that up, I did let her start wearing clear mascara.

And now, 8th grade is tomorrow.

And don't you know, after church, in the car, the whole subject came up on how tomorrow she could start wearing eyeliner. Too bad you'll have to wait until payday before we can go find that coveted stick of eyeliner.

But wait!! Friends to the rescue!!! One of her good friends bought her make-up for her birthday! And there is even an eyeliner! BLACK! Oh joy!!!

So, knowing my colorful child (and seeing her character on Rock Band), I had visions flashing through my head. Like this...



Okay, maybe this is a little extreme. But I'm a mom...that's how the pictures roll.

Dad is not enjoying the conversation at all. He keeps pointing out how mom doesn't wear make-up and that is how he likes it. That is what looks normal.

So now I know I have to step up and do something. It's not her fault her mother has skin that doesn't tolerate make-up or much of anything else very well. Fortunately, she did not inherit that from me. But at 13 I don't want her going overboard and looking all made-up either. So I tried to start explaining a few things to her. And in this conversation I realize I am failing because she has already been schooled by someone else...who is probably her age and just as clueless.

So I tell DH that there is a change in plans (we were all getting ready to go to the grocery store for a weeks worth of meal shopping on the way home from church). Drop the girls and I at the mall, and you do the shopping while I take care of the make-up. He actually did it.

So I took Songbird into Dillard's because I knew they carried Clinique. If you are going to do it, do it right. (This is actually one of the only brands that I can tolerate...which is why I don't wear make-up...who can afford it???)

There was a wonderful young lady that I told I needed eye liner and a very neutral shadow along with lessons for a newbie. This lady was so wonderful. She taught Songbird how to choose colors, how to apply and remove and gave her some other tips. Songbird was also very impressed with her twenty-something make-up and neat eyeliner trick to turn up the corners of her eyes. Not yet kid.

She looked good. Really good. Very natural yet enhancing. (I'm going to skip on a picture as she isn't thrilled about me blogging on this in the first place.) My daughter left the store looking a few years older with only eye shadow and liner. I've nixed the blush and base as she has skin to die for at this point in her life. Her haul today looked like this:


I can't believe it, but its done. Whoa.

(And yes, when we got in the car dad's only comment was, "You look better without it." Men.)