Perfection

Some of you are reading this....and looking for an answer.

Sorry.

All I've got are questions.

Why?

Why do so many women struggle with perfection?

Why would anyone WANT to be perfect?

I recently read a post at Heathers blog called Finding Freedom in Imperfection. The post was good...and then I read the responses. The sheer number of women that responded with their stories of their struggle with perfection floored me.

Why?

I was shocked not too long ago at a table full of women. SEVERAL women. What I learned was I was the ONLY one that was not medicated or had never been medicated for depression or being overwhelmed. I understand those things but how could I have been the only one? And I understand hormone crazyiness.

Why are so many women's hormones out of whack??

What has changed in life?

While I was in KC visiting with my mom, I asked her and my sister's MIL to tell me what was different from when they raised us and now. They were both there taking care of my niece while my sister and BIL and nephew are in Germany. So the grandma's got to run Red Sonja to all her activities and schools for 3 weeks.

My sister lives the life of what I would call the average housewife. She takes care of the home and has both kids in several activities. Normal right? Well, I have to add that she is a very high energy person and pulls this off like the champ she is. I could never keep up. (But then I've never claimed to be the normal/average anything.)

The answers were interesting. One grandma didn't think there was a difference outside of the fact that there are more activities available.

The other grandma said it was very different. Maybe this generatio was taking the standards they were raised with and then added the new standards on to them instead of replacing the old...leading too overload.

Hmm. What I found interesting is one mom had the money for activities and the other mother did not. So is the quest for perfection related to money? Have I just never had the luxury of being financially able to strive for perfection?

For me that is probably true. But for another good friend that I have that struggles with perfection, its not. She makes me look rich.

So is it a lack of love or approval like Heather mentions? This seems to be a pretty good lead. I didn't have that growing up...and I don't struggle. The people I know well that I know struggle had unacceptable childhoods.

Today I was reading one of the blogs I follow and her subject? A Less Than Perfect Day.

Shes says:

"Don't mistake perfection for happiness, they are two entirely different things."

Is that it? Are we thinking perfection = happiness. I sure hope not.

So, because I am very curious about this subject, I ask you:

Why do you struggle with perfection?

Are your hormones just out of balance? If so, have you found the underlying reason- the bodies breakdown?

Are you over scheduled and striving to keep up with all the other "perfect" people just because you can afford to be? Would you slow down and be happy if you didn't have the money for all these things and had to work with less?

Were you either unloved or was love conditional for you? Has this carried over to make you feel like you have to be perfect in order to deserve love?

Or do you think that to be perfect is to be happy?


I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter.

A Tribute to Mrs. B

This is long overdue, but I wanted to give the B family time to grieve and begin to function again before I posted this. I received a message yesterday that leads me to believe that they are coming to that point. So to Mel and Mr. B..... I love you guys. I miss you guys. And I am forever thankful that your family has been a part of my life.

Let me begin by saying I have my own definition of family. Blood does not equal family. Relationships equal family. It is very possible to be a full blood relative.... and still be 0% part of my family. It is a fact of my life, that you can be 0% blood related to me...and still be 100% part of my family. I have been extremely BLESSED with many of these relationships. And God had perfect timing in all of them.

Growing up, my father was military. We moved too many times to count. Blood relations were very very seldom close enough on the map to visit. As such, I think many military families form very strong ties with other families. That was the B family in my life.

We knew them before going overseas, but my strongest memories begin when we lived in Germany. The B family was a major part of those three years. And they didn't even live in the same area. We had to travel to go see them and vise versa. (Oh big terrible thing...traveling all over Germany!!)

Besides visiting each other, we also took many cool vacations together around Germany. One of my favorites was when we went and saw the hotel Hitler was holed up in long ago. We also went ice skating and to a salt mine and just site seeing. Castles, crystal factories and wine tasting. Christmas and Thanksgiving.

These were the years I picked up a camera. Unfortunately I don't have many pictures of the B family to share as I left the lions share of them with mom when I left home. I was pretty much the only one taking pictures and they paid for the film and developing so I figured that was best. So from the few shots I have, I want to share with you a woman that was very important in my younger years.

I don't think I could find a better picture to begin. When I think of Mrs. B, I think of laughter. Her and my mom laughed ALL THE TIME. And she had a very distinctive and catchy laugh. I can't tell you how many times in life I went to sleep with the sound of the four grown ups laughing it up. They cut up like a bunch of school kids. And they were actually funny!
I should introduce you to Mr. B also. You'll have to take my word for it that he is the one sitting on my sister. Yes, Mr. B tortured us just like he was our dad. What could be more fun than to have two dad's picking on you? Especially when there are no other relative around?

I couldn't find a picture of Mel at this point in life. Rest assured she was there. The three of us fought like cats and dogs half the time...couldn't have been worse if we'd been actual sisters.

We all returned to the states and didn't see each other a bit. Both of the dad's were retired and we all ended up in El Paso for awhile. We moved away, and then we all ended up in the DFW area together.
They were front and center when I got married. I'm so glad they were there to help out like they did and join us for the rehearsal dinner. It was much more comfortable for me with them there. I wasn't real comfortable with my soon-to-be in-laws at that point so they were a big help ... and probably never even knew it.
Is that good Mr. B?
On my wedding day, Mel was there to help me with my hair and make-up. And yes, that was very necessary. Some things never change. If its clean and brushed...its good to go. Mel wasn't having that for my wedding. And if I never thanked you Mel...let me say it now...THANKS!

I moved away with my new husband and didn't see The B's much from that point. I do have a picture of Mr. B with Bones.
Not long after that The B's moved close to their family in Arizona, and I haven't seen them since. I did see Mel occasionally when mom would cut her hair.

After my dad died, I found Mr. B on facebook and passed on a message that he had passed away. Mel then contacted me and let me know that Mrs. B was also fighting cancer. It was looking pretty positive that first contact, but like my dad, overnight it all changed. In no time Mrs. B was gone.

Two of the most important people from my early years are gone...within 8 months of each other.

I wish I had been able to go to the memorial service. I am very thankful that my mother was able to attend. Mr. B and Mel are totally crushed...as they should be.

And what do you say?

All I can say is I'm sorry, and I know.

Although I haven't seen her in so long, I miss her. I'm sad that she is no longer here spreading that laughter. I'm very sad for the hole left in Mel and Mr. B's lives. She was such a tiny thing...yet such a huge presence.

And she will always be a giant in my childhood memories.

Autumn asks: Do you have all girl get-a-ways?

Autumn is going on her first all GROWN-UP girl get-a-way. Not me and my girls....me and BIG girls. It's shameful that I've lived this long without ever doing this before. But I guess you can say I'll enjoy it even if it stinks! LOL! The only drawback is that our mom won't be joining us like originally planned.

So, tomorrow I will drive to Austin to pick up my sister, her mother-in-law and her mother-in-laws niece. And then we will head off for our Bed and Breakfast.


Where we will spend the days not worrying about what to cook for dinner. We won't worry about pool towels left on the bedroom floors. We won't have to wipe noses or butts. Noggin will never be heard in the background. I will not drink juice, or milk - I will drink whatever I so please and not have to share. I don't have to clean my plate or coax anyone to clean theirs. I only have to dress myself and do my own hair.

Most importantly...we will be marching off to Round Top. For the Antique fair to beat all Antique fairs. Yes, my friends, 10 miles of barns and tents full of antiques. And, NO KIDS. This means I will not have to use the phrases:

I don't see you.
Where are your hands?
Don't touch.
What did I say?
Are you touching?
That is not for sitting on.
Okay, its for sitting on, but only if you pay for it!!
If you touch that.....
Do you want to sit in the car?
Should we go home RIGHT now??
No, I will not buy that.
What would you do with that?
You have enough junk that you don't take care of.
Did you bring your own money?


Instead I look forward to saying things like....

WHAT is that?
Did you see that??
I SAW IT FIRST!
So! I'm moms favorite so you can have it.
I need it more.
You already have one like that! Give it to me!
Uuhhh...it must be made of gold.... ($$$$)

Just kidding. It will probably be more like..."did you see that guys butt????"

Some cool pics I've found of past Round Top Antique Fairs...


So, I'm off for a few days to enjoy myself. And since the college loan came through yesterday I might even find something to buy!! And maybe I will not. Either way, I'm going to have a blast!

The good, the bad and the ugly

My dad and my husband both really like that movie. I think I've seen it at least 20 times since I was a kid. But that is not what this post is about! :)

I recently stepped out in faith and took a small leadership position in our church's ladies ministries. I actually didn't think I would end up there...I think when I volunteered to be a back up I even said I'd volunteer because God wouldn't do that to anyone anyways. And I meant it.

Anyways, to make a long story short I ended up as a leader. DH and I had prayed about it and talked about it and I won't bore you with the rest. The one thing I will mention is that in a meeting we were told that we WOULD be under attack if we did this so we needed to be sure.

Boy did I get body slammed. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Heeellllloooooo! But then, so did almost everyone else. What a learning experience! And this is not a poor me post...its all been rather educational along with the heartbreak or physical pain, but I've never been more at peace either. Maybe this is what growing is all about...

ANYWAYS! The good....we had an FCC (Families with Children From China) event this weekend at the museum out at Baylor. It was fun to see everyone, but Mighty Mouse had a meltdown so we cut it short. All of a sudden she has really learned how to pitch a fit. When your kid doesn't look like you or your husband this can be a bad thing. I need to start carrying proof around with me that she is my daughter. The joys of parenting.

The bad...serious family health issue. Not going to go into that any more than to say its one to shake the foundations and leave my head spinning. And it pretty much came out of no-where.

The ugly...I'm having massive migraines - only days apart. I haven't had them like this in 18 years. I forgot how bad the nausea and eye pain can be. Wretched. And to add comedy to the mix, I twisted my ankle...which is fine, but I can't hardly walk (for over a week now) because of leg pain the is very similar to a shin splint, from my ankle to my knee. How geeky is that???? I'm a blind, puking, gimp. Nice. And this morning it was waking up to extreme ear pain. No way. So I rolled over and said "God, you know I have to lead today, so I'm going to roll over for 15 more minutes and wake up again. You've got to yank Satan's pitchfork out of my ear or I can't do this."

So I woke up and the pain was gone. Well, not 100% gone, but gone enough that I only feel a twitch occasionally. Wow. That was really, really cool. I had never tried that before...I think a symptom of unbelief...and I was shocked stupid when it worked.

And its all because....

God is who He says He is.

Amen.

Autumn asks: Are you blessed with Long Time Best Friends?

There's nothing better than a best friend. Having moved so many times in life, I have many best friends. Today I checked out the MySpace page of my very first best friend. Julie and I met in Germany when we were both about to turn 10. We lived across the hall from each other. She is the first best friend I ever had. I had never had a friend that was so smart and easy going - I was drawn to her. Sadly, we only lived close to each other for about a year and half and then one of us moved on...I don't even remember which one of us went first.

Today, I checked out Julie's page and was floored by her talent. Not that she has this talent, mind you, but that all this time she has a regular job when she has writing talent just screaming to be published. It was also very humbling and made me feel rather foolish for even blogging! LOL! I don't have her gift of words...although I have the sarcasm down pretty good. You guys can check her out at http://www.myspace.com/JulieAW .
So my question today is: When did you meet your first best friend, and are you still in contact? Were you lucky enough to live in the same place all your life and have that friend by your side for years and years?

I have many best friends that I love. The hard part about moving so much is leaving these friends behind. The really good ones I am still in contact with and chase down occasionally. But the ones that aren't so good about letters or emails I have lost. The lost list includes: Jennie Potter (Elkhorn City, Kentucky) Nancy Newark (El Paso, Texas), Sheryl Fernandez (Panama City, FL) and Christie. I only use their full names because maybe someone out there knows them and will point them my direction!

The list of best friends still present and accounted for in my life include: Julie, Debbie, Rena -the bestest bestest, Kimberly, Cheryl & Becky, Celicia, Tricia-the next bestest bestest, Mary and my sister. I look at this list and can't believe how lucky I am. How many people can claim so many truly best friends? And my "favorite people" list is even longer.

To all my best friends....I love you!! I miss you!! Wish I was there!

----------------------------

I'm still on track for my daily goal. Tuesday and Wednesday we were in Athens with family so the visit itself counts as doing something with the girls. Also, Songbird wanted to go Antiquing so we did. We also had a wonderful lunch at a lake marina that was oh so relaxing. The thing I like about going to Athens is that SIL's house is in the country. They have a covered porch out front with lots of furniture to sit on and we spent almost the whole time outside enjoying nature, playing Yatzee, talking or reading. Gives a whole new meaning to lazy summer day. I could live like that.

And the best thing about conversations with SIL is that our outlooks are so different in many ways that it makes for great discussions. And on the things that we don't agree on (respectfully) I come away from the conversation and think about that thing. In the end I either reconsider and expand my mind and opinions or I have a deeper faith in what I believe and why, by questioning myself over my views. Either way I feel a little wiser or stronger for having had that conversation. I'm a big believer in knowing why you believe what you believe. It makes life so much easier than not having a solid reason (even if it is only in your own mind) for your beliefs. I love a good conversation!

We went on our first of the 8 Great Dates last night. We actually just found a quiet spot and discussed the questions we were given as conversation material. It's really good stuff. Mostly this topic focused on change and how we handled change in the other partner. Are we respectful of their pace of change, do we allow them to make the decision to change, do we support them, etc. I think we ace 3 of the 4 points. Not so bad. So today begins the first of 40 days where we are supposed to pray together for at least 5 minutes. I have high hopes we make it through. Also, we are the first group to use this program and are part of a study being conducted by Baylor University. Pretty cool. But I think we'll skip the interviews....